Hasina had told me to be ready by 6:40 and I should meet her by 'Owais' Off license Open Oll Ours' just around the corner of my estate, Pink Lion Street. Owais badly wanted to have alliteration in his corner shop name and so had altered some of the spellings. . . 5:35 pm After realising I had been sitting on my bed for about 15 minutes stark naked and feeling sorry for myself I had decided to sit for another 5 minutes sad and cold to gather up the energy to stand up and get dressed
6:00 pm I had the Journals album blasting out of my speakers as I had proceeded to curl the last bits of my hair. I had hit up Google for a picture of curls I could dupe and I think it was going okay but I was becoming increasingly aware of the time, I mean I didn't want to end up late and upset Hasina because, to be honest she made everyone shit themselves. Once I was done I looked in the mirror and checked to see if all was ok... This.looks.like.MY.DADS.AFRO.FROM 1987!!WHAT THE FUCK !?Are YOU KIDDING ME?? There wasn't enough time to fix my hair so I just took a pink bow clip from my baby sister and just clipped a few strands up and hoped for the best, as I set it with some hairspray. There were a few strands sticking out from behind my ear and some wispy straight bits that the hairspray couldn't keep curly for 2 seconds and I was really ANNOYED. Anyways now I had my hair done I could move onto my dress for the night. Dress? A dress? I don't own a dress. Is it okay to wear jeans? But who dances in jeans ? My parents would never buy me a dress. helloooo? I'm a teenage, Bengali, Muslim, HIJABI. I don't own a dress. I own a burka but not a dress. What am I going to wear ? I sat down on my bed (still) cold,naked,worried and thought out my options. . . I CAN WEAR A SARI! I searched through my wardrobe and pulled out all the sari's and suits I had worn to weddings, but decided none of them were Scandalous enough. None of them screamed the word 'rebel' enough. Fuck it, I'm just gonna cut one up to my knees.
6:30 pm I now had my purple sari wrapped around me and I had just finished cutting the bottom off. It looked a tad bit wonky with loads of fraying at the bottom but I pulled those out more to create a fringed look. I hope that looks boho or whatever. Like what they wear at coachella or something. I'm GONNNA call this the BOHO SARI It had Flowers across the ends of the silky material in red and green co-ordination to represent Bangladesh,I guess? My hair was up in an Afro, similar to my dads back in the 80's. I looked myself up and down in the mirror and noticed my legs looked like they belonged to a wild buffalo. Should I shave them ? Wow that's so weird there so hairy. I jogged past my mum in the living room, trying my best to avoid her as I headed to the bathroom . I hope locking the door doesn't sound suspicious. Uh where's the razors? I looked round the bathroom and finally found my dads Gillette series's. I picked up the can of shaving foam and lathered up my legs Im so ready for this shit . Slowly I put the razor to my legs and it started to mtickle as I began to drag it up. The hair kept clogging up the razor so I had to keep clearing it between turns Thanks dad. Thanks for letting me INHERIT ALL OF YOUR ARM AND LEG HAIR
The manual razor was taking too long so I switched to the electric machine and switched it on. It made a really loud noise and to muffle it I started to shout some prayers so my mum wouldn't hear the motor. Finally, I finished shaving my legs and they felt so smooth. I rubbed my calves together and basked in the glory. I feel like a new woman ... maybe I should put on some make up?
7:10 pm Iwas now running late because of how carried away I got, but I didn't mind anymore because I was really feeling myself. I had stolen my mums makeup!First I put on some foundation which started to dry around my moustache but I tried to cover it up with some concealer but it just made it worst. My face started to feel dry so I put on some astral moisturiser but that made my foundation wet again so I just blow dried my face. Then I noticed my foundation started to dry around my eyebrows so I just put powder there to hide my eyebrows and draw them again but that didn't work out because my eyebrows are thick. So I moved onto my eyeshadow and I put some nice emerald green glitter on my eyelids (because it would compliment my purple sari). I took some liquid eyeliner and lined my eyes with a wing that reached up to my eyebrows. That was an accident but I liked it, so I did the same on my other eye ! I curled my eyelashes but I accidentally took the eyelash curler to my eyelid and I started to cry but I realised the curl was strong so I did the next lashes. Next I put on some contour cream to my cheeks, nothing really changed so I put on more and still nothing changed except that I looked like wolverine, so I skipped to the highlight stick and highlighted my forehead because no one ever gives it attention, that resulted in me showing off a forehead ten times bigger than the original size. With a swipe of brown lipstick, I felt good to go. Now I look great . I need to just skip past my mum and I'm on my way to the off license ! I slipped on my mums burka , a pull on hijab and emptied out my school bag to take with me, before I left the room I whispered goodbye to my Justin Bieber shrine, kissing the mask. Then posted a whisper confession because, nothing scandalous has happened until you whisper about it first, right?
I ran down the hall way Oh god !!!! What am I doing ? "AMI-ASS SCHRÖDER WHERE ARE YOU -" "SCHOOL CLUB" "COME HERE!" Should I just tell her to piss off? That's harsh ... "COME HERE RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOU - " "PISS OFF"
And with that I charged out the door and off to 'Owais' Off License' . Unfortunately, my heels were open toed, too small for me now and consequently my toes were waaay out of place.
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