The Tales of Twisted Felix Katt (Book 1)

What's a Little Bondage Between Enemies? (NaNoWriMo)

A/N: Image to the side is Felix Katt played by Christina Scabbia, lead singer of Lacuna Coil.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on - Winston Churchill 

Day 1

 Pistol - check

 Back-up pistol - check

 Sawed-off pulse shot gun - check

 Shield vest - check

 Kick-ass leather jacket -double check

 Everything a girl needs.....

 I stare down at the console in front of me, making sure that everything I needed was there, and not just the usual items you'd expect a scad like me to need. The firearms are a must. The vest is necessary. The jacket is more of a statement than anything else. That and it's always cool when you can kick in a door and everyone knows who you are by the coat you wear.

 Other people have lists of chores that include taking out the garbage, recycling, working on a few DIY projects. My list includes things like finding a way to seal a bullet hole on my ship's hull without having to pay  for it, carrying the most juicy parts of a dismembered human being to the hospital so they can Frankenstein his ass into a few needy women's bodies, and finally figuring out what to wear to the biggest social event in this quadrant. That last is just so that people know that the rumor of my demise is tragically mistaken and just a little bit insulting.

"Felix?  What in the name of Goddess are you doing up this early?” My muscular, blood-bound slave Rorick asked me.  He was not a pretty man- bald, solid and indestructible- but he was as reliable as magnetic fields.  Psychotically brilliant, he has trusted me with a boldness that often made me wonder if he had absolutely zero native survival instincts.  Murphy’s Law is  a bitch and she rides my ass like it’s a profession but when it comes to spur-of-the-moment Felix-has-cocked-it-up-again moments, that man has saved my life more often than all the others combined. I wished sometimes there was a way for me to give him the one thing he wants: his freedom.

 But in our world, it was far better to belong to someone like me than try to be a freeman. No rights, no protections, most of society against you and very few people tolerant let alone willing to help. Though don't tell anyone I like the mook. Everyone thinks I'm this salty badass- which I totally am. I just don't see how having dangly man-bits instead of tidy lady-bits makes him less of a rational being.

"Got shit to do, cockie.  Someone on this heap has to be the brains of the operation,” I reply, using the degrading nickname most of society has abandoned.  But if I were to keep up the façade of being the redneck, low-life wild woman, then I had to convince everyone that I was keeping Rorick for his tight ass and lick-able abs.  Sometimes I wonder if he even knew that I thought of him as an equal instead of a pet? Safer for him if he never knows, so I treat him like a walking beef bus:good for nothing but looking hot and making sandwiches.

 Don't ask me how it happened,that the feminine gender took over society. I only ever paid attention in lessons to make sure no one was swindling me. Everything else I learned at the school of hard knocks. From what general knowledge has taught me, there were a series of wars that basically almost set the entire planet back to quivering goo stage and at the time the majority of the world leaders were male. As it happened, when the bulk of the entire planet’s militant forces are overwhelmingly male, and they all basically wipe each other out.... it apparently makes women inherit the earth.

 Then we had to spread. We're horny bastards and like to practice our propagation techniques. Turns out that the more sex you have, the more likely you are to get knocked up. Cue the population explosion. So we started to spread out. It required some interesting new laws of physics and resulted in one very bent universe.