Revival

Prologue (Gabriella)

Do you ever feel like running away! Like this whole place isn't meant for you. Like you are trapped in a whirlwind of mess that you just wanna escape? Well I felt that! I felt like I was in a place that I just wanted to leave/escape/abandon, call it whatever. I was just so tired of trying to be the perfect person everyone wanted. I was tired of having so many personalities to please every single person in my life! I was sick of seeing the person in the mirror and realizing that just like every one I dint really know who she was anymore. It was like I was being entrapped in my own body? Maybe in the journey of trying to become everyone's favorite I had lost myself and let me tell you none of these people who I was so interested in pleasing noticed.

Every day I wake up and muster up the best smile, can anyone really not seen through my facade? I have long forgotten the place where my heart truly lies. "Life should be lived to its fullest" well I'm just out here trying to live it trying to fulfill every single persons expectations.

Tried to be the best daughter, gave up what i Truely cared for and joined the rats race. Tried to get the best grades that even I never thought I could get, made sure to remain in the best books of every single teacher, dint ever ask for pocket money or anything that kid my age got. Faced all the taunts for going out once a week or wearing short clothes. Missed out on most of the things that teens try out at this age. What did I get from doing all of this?
I think you could have still work hard for the last paper, maybe then you would be in the top 10 instead. Why don't you also try being the best at something, look at the other kids they're so good at either a sport or instrument. Full day you wanna go out, you are just getting out of hands. Who's this new guy you are talking to full day you are glued on to your phone. Faced the wrath of uptime number of insults and sometimes just plan hard slaps.
Had I become so opaque that not even my parents could see how much I was breaking on the inside by all this?

It's not only them though, my friends were no better.
They too dint realise what I was going through. I saw the way the kept fighting with me for not going out with them. Balancing so many different group of friends was taking a toll on me. I don't think any of them know what exactly I'm going through right now.
My best friend is in a race to look prettier than me.... Like seriously I thought we were sisters! But no I was wrong! Her main goal is to be the hotter one. How I realized that? No longer adding me in her snap stories or displays no longer introducing me to her friends and a lot more hints.
My other best friend was someone who I became closest too pretty soon. I was pretty surprised myself by this sudden closeness since I'm pretty shy and reserved. And trust me I was happy, but then I guess reality came crashing in. No did I get those cute texts, actually I yards got any texts at all. No more was I the person who he wanted to meet a lot of call. Heck I was hardly spoken to in school.

Know people might be like what's there to whine in that if they're so close to you just go and confront them about this! But that's the thing I have, time and again I keep asking them what's wrong but they just shrug it off. I mean once he told me he was bored of me and since it obviously dint go down well with me...so I'm not getting answers any time soon.

Well let's go to the last person. This person has had the greatest impact on my life- my ex boyfriend. We dint meet in the best possible way. Let's just say he was my best friends boyfriend. At the start I hated him, I mean as a naïve 12 year old I thought he was not worth my best friend and had stolen her. But as time passed we ended up becoming bestfriends. I was the middle man who solved their fights, was the person who covered up for them and pretty much the third wheel.
Their relationship was off in 3 and half short months. The reasons being we were so young and dint really get what relationships were but most importantly he fell for me, something that I was unaware of.
After the next 31 days I became the "other girl" someone who betrayed her bestfriend by stealing her boyfriend. In my defense I was so young and in love. I dint know about sisters before misters and knew she dint even like him that much. But that dint matter I was faced with taunts and insults every single day.
But I loved him, I loved him way more than myself. We dated on-off for the next 5 years. He dated other people in between but I stayed glued on to him. In a way I was someone who was his second option or someone who he could always come back to.
I fought with my parents, broke their trust, lost my bestfriend, a lot of other friends gave up on me, tried to commit suicide for him all just to have him break up with me with one simple text.
All of this cause we dint get physical which made him think I was not worth all the trouble. This broke me, I felt so worthless by the one person who gave me a reason to love, the one person who I could die for, the one person who I lived for .

This story is about me ,GABRIELLA EVANS finding out that no one is perfect. That no matter how hard you try, everyone isn't going to be happy. But that's okay, that's okay cause you tried and more importantly it's your own happiness that matters the most.
It's about me finding the right people in life, people who care about my happiness, people who would die for me just like I would for them and most importantly people who embrace my flaws and love me for who I am not someone who they want me to be.
This story is about lil miss imperfect learning that imperfection is beautiful,it makes you unique and human. This is my revival from atelophobia, the fear of not being good enough.( Gabriella's picture above)

mikaelanay this is dedicated to you for true being an inspiration to my writing! I really hope that you have a look and like this book, it would be a dream come true❤️