A World That Will Not Turn to Ash (English)(From Ashes Vol.1)

Chapter 20 - Bereavement

Lying on his back, Guy was staring at the trees without really seeing them. He felt empty and he was cold, a freezing cold that was devouring him from inside.
"Are you sleeping?" Djaq asked softly, approaching the bed where he was laying.
"No."
"Maybe you should. You don't look so well. If you turn on your side, your back will hurt less."
"It doesn't matter. At least the pain gives me the impression that I can still feel something. There is nothing inside me... Only emptiness and ashes... I feel dead. Maybe I am dead."
Djaq sat on the edge of the bed and she dabbed his face with a wet cloth.
"You are not dead. You are tired and injured, you spent most of the night tied to a tree, you didn't eat anything for who knows how long, and you just said to another man that he has to marry the woman you love. It isn't strange that you're suffering, it would surprise me otherwise. By the way, why did you do that?"
"What?"
"Why did you say to Robin to marry her? If you love her so much, why do you want to give her up?"
"What could I offer her? I have nothing left. If I persisted staying close to her, what could she have? The hatred and contempt from the people, a life on the run and probably a premature end. And she loves Robin Hood."
"And you? What will you do now?"
"I don't know. I don't know if I can live without Marian."
"Don't be silly, now." Djaq held out a hand. "Come on, get up, come by the fire and eat something. It doesn't matter if you're not hungry, you need it. Come on, let's go."
She grabbed his wrist and she pulled him. She wouldn't be able to move him if he was going to resist, but Guy reluctantly seconded her. He let himself to be dragged by the fire, and he accepted the food that was offered to him, without finding the strength to object.
He felt pathetic and defeated, without the slightest desire and lost like a dry leaf at the mercy of the wind, but Djaq's attentions could make him feel a tiny spark of heat.
"Have you ever lost someone you loved?" He suddenly asked, and he was amazed of his own question. Djaq looked at him in surprise, then nodded.
"My parents and my twin. They were killed in the Holy Land. I don't know what I would do if I were to lose Will. Probably I'd look for something important to do to be able to go on..."
"Will?"
Djaq blushed, realizing she had confessed to Gisborne something that she had never had the courage to admit openly even with Will himself.
"Yep, do you have something against it?"
"Why should I?" Guy said, with a half-amused smile, then he turned serious. "Once I had a sister, too." He said and Djaq suddenly looked at him, surprised.
"Is she dead?"
"I don't think so. I gave her in marriage to a noble many years ago, she was just a little girl, but her husband had offered a good price for her."
"You sold your sister?!"
"You shouldn't be so surprised, didn't you hear what people think of me? I'm the devil, I did much worse things. Anyway, I didn't have many choices at the time, at least I guaranteed her a decent life."
"You might look for her, she's always your family, isn't she?"
"Maybe. Although I don't think I would do her a favor."
Guy tried not to think of the last memory he had of his sister, how she had turned her back with hatred after she had pleaded in tears to let her stay with him. No, he decided, it would be better not to look for her.
"If Robin will go away, you may join our gang." Djaq said and Guy stared at her as if she were suddenly gone mad.
"Me? Among the outlaws?"
"Why not?"
"Have you forgotten that I am your enemy?"
"Do you want to go back to work for the sheriff?"
"No."
"So what's the problem?"
"Just ask your friends, I am certain that they will make a long list of reasons why they would rather see me dead than with your gang."
Djaq smiled, then she yawned.
"I need some sleep, and you should sleep too. It had been a very long night."
Guy sighed. The food, the heat of the fire and the company of the girl had made him feel a bit better, but he was exhausted. He knew he really needed to rest, but he also knew that as soon as he closed his eyes, the nightmares would come, more and more scary, or he would be tormented by a thousand distressing thoughts.
"I can't."
She took a bottle and poured a few drops of liquid in a bowl full of water, then she handed it to Gisborne.
"Drink this. It's a medicine invented by a doctor of my country: it will make you sleep and your sleep will be deep and dreamless. If there are news from Robin, I'll wake you, I promise."
Guy took the bowl and drank it without hesitation. Djaq wondered if he trusted her so much that he didn't think to ask any question or if he simply had come to a point where he didn't care if what he had drunk were a poison or a medicine.
"Go back to bed." She said. "It will begin to work soon."

Tuck looked at the hard expression of Roger of Barrett, and he thought that this man was not to be underestimated.
He had thought to put pressure on him to allow the transfer of Marian to Kirklees Abbey for a period of penitence before the wedding, but it only took him a few minutes in the company of the knight to understand that he wouldn't be fooled easily.
Tuck had to try to get what he could without annoying Roger of Barrett, otherwise he would risk to compromise all the hopes to help the girl.
"I'm worried about your marriage, Sir." He said, in a respectful tone.
"And why should you, brother?"
"Because of the rumors about your betrothed. People say she is compromised."
"I don't care. She will do her duty as a wife and for the rest I shall put her in her place."
"You should care!"
Roger sat up in his chair and leaned forward to give a threatening look at the friar.
"And why should I? It's just a woman, her job is to churn out heirs and bring a dowry. She isn't rich, it is true, but the sheriff will give me the lands of Locksley as a gift for the wedding."
"The people won't respect you if you marry a sinner, they will say that you have been forced to settle, that you are weak."
Barret stood up and he drew his sword.
"Be careful of what you say, brother!"
"Would you hit a man of God?"
"I don't think that you really want to find it out, so be careful of what you say."
"My words were intended only to strengthen your position. The people of Locksley won't accept a marriage stained by her sins, but there is a way to fix it."
Roger Barrett stared at him, but he didn't put away his weapon.
"I'm listening."
"The bride must purify herself and atone. Shut her up in a bare room, without comfort or entertainment, in the most complete solitude so that she can pray and ask for forgiveness for her sins. Let no one look at her or talk to her, and make sure that no man comes close to her. If you need someone to enter her room, send only modest and pious women to do so. On the wedding day she should come to church as a penitent, barefoot and dressed in cloth, ready to accept with gratitude the possibility of redemption that you offer her through marriage."
Barret smiled.
The girl was pretty, with a luxurious wedding dress she would make a good impression, but the idea of the friar was much more interesting.
The sheriff had told him about her, how she had humiliated Guy of Gisborne leaving him at the altar in front of everyone and he was not going to allow her to repeat a similar scene. This time she would be the one to suffer the public humiliation and everyone would respect him as the man generous enough to grant forgiveness to a repentant sinner.
"Well, brother, I like your suggestion."
"I can get her confession, if you wish."
"Not now, friar, not now. She will confess her sins to you on the wedding day. Now go away."
Tuck nodded and withdrew silently to the door.
"Oh, brother..."
Tuck stopped in the doorway and looked back at Roger. The man smiled and he continued.
"If you care so much to save a damned soul, go to Locksley tomorrow evening, around sunset."
"Why?"
"The sheriff has decided to teach a lesson to my future father in law, to show him what happens to those who dare to make fun of him. My men are working hard to build gallows in front of the house."
"The sheriff wants to hang Sir Edward?"
"No, just one of his servants, a certain Allan, a traitor who once worked for my predecessor."