A girl like that (Lesbian)

Girl like that - Part four

Sitting on Abby's doorstep I knew that I had made the right choice ending things with Lou, what on earth had I been thinking I had pushed away the one person that had always been there for me had loved me unconditionally. I could make no excuse for my actions I had pushed Abby away so many times, I could not understand why she was still here but she was. Now was my time to try and win her back. The fear that had always been in the back of my mind was still there 'what if I couldn't love her as much as she did me, what if what I was feeling wasn't enough' But I had to try I had to at least try and make this work without always pushing her away I had to open up to Abby to let myself fall head first into the relationship, I had to push away the worry that I would ruin things and lose her friendship as well as her love. I had to know if I could fall the way she had, I knew she loved me and I guess deep down I knew that I used that fact to my advantage but there was always that fear what if I was not capable of giving as much as she did what if I could not love her the way she did me. Now don't get me wrong there were times when I could spend my life in her arms when I never wanted her to stop kissing me and I could feel love but was I in love? Didn't I owe it to myself to try? It had hurt so much the day I had walked into her flat finding all our photos gone and all my belongings packed away, my mug no longer in her kitchen. How had she coped seeing me in someone else's arms, the thought of her with someone else made my blood boil, I knew I had to try.

So I sat and waited and couldn't help the feeling of excitement that ran through me when I saw her walking towards her flat door, as always she looked happy to see me and opened up her arms and embraced me in a hug. The scent of her made me feel safe and secure without her saying a word or doing a thing the closeness of her made me feel content. 'Everything ok' a simple question but how to respond 'Much better now' I held on to her slightly longer than I should have done. I knew that I couldn't just tell her there and then she would feel I was replacing Lou with her I had to take my time and win her heart again. I devoted All my time into doing things for Abby, doing all the things that I should have done the first time around. I waited and I got to know her all over again, I found that she had changed somewhat, she was more guarded and didn't seem to express things as openly as she had done in the past I guessed that a lot of it was down to me and how poorly I had treated her. I also knew that if this was going to work I needed to win over her friends and in the time we hadn't been together I knew that Clare had become a very important part in her life and I knew that Zara didn't like me at all, who could blame her really after the way I had treated her best friend. So I arranged to meet them both for coffee to talk it through and try to explain my self to them.

I sat in the coffee house with a sense of impending doom, I knew that this was not going to be easy how could I explain to them how I felt and the reason I had pulled away so much. I didn't know Clare that well and had only met her on a handful of occasions but I had this feeling that she wanted more from Abby that just friendship, I felt I had to let her know that there was no chance of that happening.

They approached me together and I felt as if they were ganging up on me, but I had to stay there and face up to all there questions I knew to them that my behaviour must seem very odd. I looked up to both of them and signalled for them to sit down with me 'Hey' I addressed them both. Zara looked down at me as if I was the worst person alive and spoke one simple word 'So?' While indicating for me to explain why I had brought them both here. I didn't really know where to start so I jumped right in after clearing my throat 'Ok, well I guess your wondering why I have asked you both to meet me here' They merely raised their eyebrows at me 'I know that you both don't like me that much' neither of them protested to this statement so I ploughed on 'I know that you are both very protective over Abby and I understand that, I have made many mistakes in the time that I have know her but I would like the chance to try and fix all of that to make up for the mistakes I have made. I know that she is in love with me and that in the past I have abused that love and controlled her to some extent and I can not and will not sit hear and promise a happy ending but what I can promise is that I will make her happy everyday that she allows me to be a part of her life and I will never hurt her the way I have done it the past. I know that you are both a huge part of her life and I do not even know if Abby would be willing to take me back but I felt it important that I explain myself to you both first' I drew a deep breath and took it in turn to look at them.