101. The Avengers are all adults. Agent Coulson is not their 'babysitter', and shall not be referred to as such.
102. The Helicarrier water and waste system is self-contained. This does not mean that aquatic wildlife or any aquatic pets should be released into it. They may not be competing with native fauna, but they are a serious problem.
103. Do not play around with MapCrunch during work hours. It is not a tactical exercise. As an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., even if your training left you somehow incapable of finding an airport, you would have many other ways of arranging transport from anywhere in the world.*
104. No one aside from the director has an 'all-access pass'. No, not even Tony Stark, despite what he might claim.
105. Acquiring actual animals to represent various code names putting them all in a confined space for an 'no-holds-barred nature deathmatch' does not indicate anything about the people who hold those code names.
106. Should you become injured while working on a lab project, even if the injury is minor, please follow appropriate first aid procedures. Do this every time, regardless of how fascinating the science is.
107. Be mindful of killing insects, spiders, or other pests on premises. Always check the current lab escapee database first. You could be setting back research.
108. Should you ever triple dog dare Clint Barton to do anything, you will be held just as accountable for the resulting consequences.
109. Dance-offs, board games, and rock-paper-scissors are not ideal methods of conflict resolution. However, they are preferable to actual duels.
110. Be careful about what tales of Norse myth you freely refer to. Thor in a wedding dress and the circumstances of Sleipnir's conception, for instance, are best left unspoken of.**/***
111. There is no secret underground S.H.I.E.L.D. fight club. And no, we don't just say that because of the first rule of fight club.
112. Don't bother attempting to search supply closets for the entrances to rumored secret passages. They aren't there.
113. Punching Dr. Banner and running is possibly the most idiotic ill-conceived way to cause a diversion.
114. If you try to hide a secret cache of gourmet coffee, it will be found, and it will be used.
115. Whatever new and innovative way you may think of to circumvent S.H.I.E.L.D. regulations, it has almost certainly been done before, very possibly by those tasked to deal with disciplinary measures. It makes getting away with things very difficult.
116. If you have to ask if something is allowed, you probably know the answer already.
117. Good coffee is indeed a valid currency type in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s unofficial economy of favors.
118. If you happen to be the last surviving agent after a monumental worldwide cataclysm, filing a report on the matter is optional. That is absolutely the only circumstance in which that would be true.
119. We do not recommend suggesting that the use of any giant metallic flying snake-like creatures in various world domination attempts is a form of compensation, despite how much you may think that's actually the case.
120. S.H.I.E.L.D.-issued vehicles should not be used for unauthorized road trips.
121. If you feel the need to mock reality television, feel free, but be extremely cautious as to who is in the vicinity. There are closet fans in the division who can make your life rather unpleasant.****
122. If another agent is caught in some sort of magical or varied other type of temporary transformation, do not take video footage for the express purpose of blackmail.
123. Under no circumstances is the military-grade pepper spray to be used as a condiment. It doesn't matter if there is a monetary wager on Thor's reaction; it is for self-defense, not tacos or french fries.
124. S.H.I.E.L.D. agents do not negotiate with enemies. They have been known, however, to stall and otherwise make annoyances of themselves until backup arrives.
125. Should you end up losing extremities in the line of duty, it is entirely possible that Tony Stark will attempt to create an enhanced prosthetic device to compensate. This is not an excuse to actually attempt to lose limbs.
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*: MapCrunch teleports you to a random place in the world. Discover the vast array of imagery captured by Google in 50 countries, featuring spectacular scenery, magical moments and the utterly unexplainable.
**:https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleipnir
***:https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Þrymskviða
****: i.e. Phil Coulson and his obsession with Supernanny.
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SHEILD Recruit Survival Tips
HumorTip #25: These tips are for the benefit of the smooth running of this organization. They are not to be used as a 'bucket list'. A/N : All Tips are taken from (shieldrecruitsurvivaltips.tumblr.com). This is an ongoing site, this handbook will not be...
