Downfall of thy deviants child

Part 28: Rege

~chris's perspective~
i was reading the note book that muza and i shared; we wrote letters to one another in it to keep each other at ease with knowing what the other is feeling and often times i found myself smiling at all the memories that we had created in our time togther. i never knew about the letter that i found tonight as i sat in the doorway of the band's tour bus. my hands were shaking and i felt my chest tighten even before i had open the letter.
~the last letter~
dearest rege,
         most times it feels as if i'm hollowed out on the inside and the familar pain has become an old friend that vists every so often.there is one thing that surpasses all the feelings deep within, losing you my rege; well it was unlike anything i have ever felt. my dying heart shattered and snaped into the pices as it sinks deep within my broken chest. the perfect pain at first was unbarable at first but it dulled as time moved on. the world it seemed to have lost it's light and all plunged back into the oblivian. there is a much darker side to all this. fate it seems has ruthlessly taken the man i have only ever truly loved away. sadly by doing this, it has helped shattered the oath that was made all those years ago. the oath itself was doubled edged. one side was the oath itself that bindes me to my rege dircetly. the misfit pendent with the ring that i constantly wear; it is our common link. the secound side was the binding rule for the consquent if i were to relaspe back into self inflicted injury; he would have total control over what happens if he comes to know. after so many years, too many days and months to count; not just myself but also my dying heart never learnt to say goodbye. moving on and letting go has it's own price that i'm willing to pay. as long as rege is happy, safe and well; it is all that i want for him. i am willing to wait endlessly for his return to me but until then i remain lost in the shadows and the safty of the dark. 

from flesh so vaunable to a body of weathered steel that keeps his heart of imperfect gold safe and sound.
            -always rege's lost love-
                    thy deviant's daughter
~end of the last letter~

i couldn't find it in myself to stop the tears that were falling freely. this letter was the last one that she wrote that gave little light on the truth that she was feeling. the ring on her misfit necklace was supposed to be mine but it was smaller then we both expected so i put it on her necklace that way she always had a part of me with her. it made me realize how much i truly ment to her and that i had foolishly crushed her dying heart to dust but it's not truly like that. one day i will be able to explian what had happened to muza to her father, someday but as for now i will write it all down in the city lights that brought the beauty of my muza to life.
they told me that the truest of love would last forever and now i see the truth in their words. i gave her my forever and i tried my best to keep her safe; i tried my hardest but yet i had failed and now all i have of her is the hyms and words that she had written in the joy of her life. my shaken had clenched around the misfit pendent that hung around my half tattoed neck and pressed my fingers into it. "i will bring you flowers my beloved always and keep our little ones safe and sound." i whispered as i wrote in the note book that we once so long ago shared.