Downfall of thy deviants child

Part 14: night mare of old

{six years, six days and six hours : when the deviant's daughter was alive and somewhat well}

i didnt need the light to see my fadding hazel eyes were already used to the dark that held the things that more often then not kept me company. once more thoughts of old over laped each other for domincances but none did. as i layed there in the dark i let the pain consum me and my breath grow to a shallow. what is the poin in life when all felt lost? i was alone again and lost the will to live; the life may leave my lungs but my heart will stay with those who are closes to me. my personal demons they are tearing me apart and i cannot fight them on my own much longer. it feels as if i am falling into the never ending abyness that i was once traped in almost three years ago. chris is happy in his own little world and in a way i am happy for him but at the same time it feels like a sword of some sorts has been stabed into my heart. for the past month i havent been able to look at chris in the same way i once did and it sucks cause he ment so much to me. all is fair in love and war. my depression and self harm are getting worse as the days pass. i struggle to stay above the water and not in a sense drown in this battle that as it looks as of now...i am losing,

[night mare restarts]: last night i saw him in my sleep but he wasnt the man i come to know over the past seven years, he was different and that didnt scar me. i domt think anything he truly was would scar me. in truth i know what he was he was in the true form of his demon that held control over him. i was on my back gasping for breath and i couldnt feel anything all i could do was look. he had my heart in his tattooed hands and without so much as a word he sank his teeth into my heart and tore it apart with ease, no regrets of any sorts. my vison was becoming spotted with black spots and i knew i was on death;s doorstep. i herd a growl and then a thud. the man that i had come to know so well was lying back next to me dead and i saw my father thy deviant hovering over me. the saddness showed in his features were as clear as glass he lifred me up and i warped my fingers around his hand. the scean skipped and blured as it changed for about six minutes then it settled. i was on a hospital bed but this wasnt just any hospital bed it the make shift bed that belong to the wild ones and i was breathing normaly once again, i knew what they had done to me. i looked around and saw my father thy deviant and smiled. he perched himself on the bed next to me and brudhed the long blondish blackish hair out of my eyes with one hand as i held onto his other hand he didnt speak he didnt have to speak i knew he was happy to see his daughter alive and healing. i leaned forward into my father and he held me to him, slightly kissing the top of my forhead before he started to hum the lullaby he had always sang me as a child. (i remeber you by skid row) the peace i felt within was something i remember from when i was a child and the warmth of my father thy deviant around me made me feel so safe like i did when i was child. for a good chunk of time i sat in my fathers arms and just breathed letting sleep over come my weary head. it felt so nice to feel this safe in my fathrs arms as i once did so long ago.

[nightmare ends]