Undercover Sweetheart [everlark]

thirteen

Katniss
The guidance office isn't as weird as the rest of the Capitol. It's almost... calming. I take a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Peeta. I'm a baby. It was j-"

He shushes me with a finger over my lip. "Stop. You're not a baby. And I hate when you're mean to yourself. You deserve better, Katniss. Forgive yourself. It's time to let go," he breathes like the wind. His learned fingers remove my braid to brush through the hair.

"Peeta, I have to tell you something."

He stops. "Wh-"

"No! Don't stop!"

He laughs, "Okay. What is it?"

I wanted to say 'I love you', but the will power is gone. "Nevermind. It was nothing." I brush it off.

"Katniss, I know it's not nothing. I see right through it," he's kneeling at my feet, still running over my scalp.

"I... I can't tell you, Peeta. I'm serious. Just leave it alone, okay?"

His long sigh is enough to give away his annoyance. "So do you want to talk to the school psychologist? It might help."

I frown and shake my head.

"So I would venture to guess that you want to just keep taking to me, right?"

I nod.

After an uncomfortably long silence, Peeta interrupts my drifting thoughts. "Can we talk about the... kiss?" He asks, drawing out the 's' sound like a snake.

"Oh," I mutter in disappointment. "I figured you had forgotten about that." I rub my goose-fleshed arms awkwardly.

"Not really, Katniss. I mean, to be fair, that was sorta... um... my first kiss."

I feel my skin get hot. "Okay. What's the question, Peeta?"

He shrugs. "Uh... Why did you do it?"

While I know that the average teenage girl might simply come right out and say it, I'm not average. I'm me. And I'm too filled with fear to trust him with my heart. I've lived for sixteen years, and I've learned that no one is worth trusting. It costs too much. Of me. Of my soul. Of my character. It's a risk I'm not willing to take.

So to deflect from the matter I face, I tell a slight lie. "I guess I just needed a release. It was just infatuation, nothing more." My voice fades noticeably at the end.

His eyes begin to stare off past me, in a daze.

I don't know what to say, so I shake his hand instead. "Peeta?"

"I gotta go, Katniss. I have class." And with no more warning, he's out the door, heading down the hall with his blue eyes cast upon the tile floor.

Little did I know that would be the last I'd see of him for days.