Promises

No Turning Back

I drove to my old home, knowing the last thing I wanted to see if this didn't work was my old home. I wanted to be reminded of my old life. The life where I had a family. The life where I could live without feeling like I'm dying more with each passing second.

I pulled into my old driveway and looked at the house. I know we were in the middle of moving, but I would much rather see this old, small house than some new one that holds no memory of my loved ones and the love they had filled it with. I walked over to the tree by the lake I used to go draw at whenever I was bored or upset. I remember Aaron and Shiloh swimming out into the lake at midnight during summer, thinking we were far away from home, sneaking out into the darkness.

Smiling, I climbed up into my favorite tree, looking at the carvings I did whenever I sat on the branches. This was a perfect spot. Slowly, I tied the rope around the tree, and then I connected the other end to my neck. I sat there crying. If this didn't work... would I be able to see my family on the other side, or would I simply be reincarnated, not knowing or remembering my old lives or my family? Would I remember Drake? Would I run into him in another life?

I wonder if he would find me, swinging from the tree with a purple color drawn to my face. I wonder if he would care. He claims to love me, but I don't see how he could still love me after all of these years. Maybe I am simply a replica of his old lover. We probably don't act anything alike. He's probably just in shock. He could always end up with Jayde.

But what if Aaron was the one to find me? Would he think he lost all of his family and run away where no one could ever find him? Would he try to kill himself? If this does work, how long will it take for me to wake up? How will I know?

"Just jump already," Jayde said from behind me. Startled, I turned around and tried to punch her. She simply grabbed my fist and squeezed it, hard. "Stop wondering about your life. It's nothing for a mere mortal just as yourself to die. If it works, you'll know. You're body will be overtaken with venom from my blood. You'll wish you were dead instead. If not, you'll go where you went when you saw Shiloh and your mother. You won't remember anything. Not even when you go there when you die." She laughed.

"So jump. Drake doesn't care about you. He just wants you as his blood slave. You couldn't give a shit less about you. As for your brother, he won't know a thing." She winked. "So go on, do it," she demanded, whizzing off again before I could ask or say anything. I guess this was it.

I tightened the noose around my neck and said one last prayer in my head. Tears streamed down my face. I wasn't ready to die and leave Aaron here just yet. I looked at the house and thought of all of my family and my life. I remembered all of the holidays, family trips, arguments, laughs, loves, hugs, and everything else that had ever happened here. It was perfect. My old life was perfect. I just wish my family was here to share it with me.

Jayde's words repeated in my head, dizzying me. I could feel the weight of the world crashing on top of me. Maybe she was right. I didn't matter. I never did and I never will.

"Stop!" The male's voice left a cold chill rise up my spine. I recognized that voice. It was my old best friend, Nick, who yelled. He was the love of my life this lifetime. At least, I had thought. He had never felt the same about me, and I don't even think he knew about my crush. He was one of the closest friends here I had ever had. I guess it's too late for 'sorry' now, though.

I watched as Drake's car pulled up. He unloaded himself from the car and started running. It seemed to go in slow motion as I mouthed the words "goodbye" to both of them and jumped. I watched their faces flash in horror. I could hear the bones in my neck snap, but the sound of their voices were almost silent, muffled by the ringing in my ears.

All I could see was black. My body felt as though someone had put me through a meat grinder and stuck me in salty lemon juice. I tried to see if my body was on fire, but all I could was black. I was alone. I started screaming, begging for the fire to cease to exist. I needed water. I needed to put out these black flames and release the agony I was in. That's all I could remember.