Dear No One [on hold]

January 25 ~ 9am

Dear nameless guy,

I'm trying my best to think that way, I am, positively. But the guilt just keeps coming back, burning me inside and I just can't seem to stop it.

That memory's like a permanent tattoo for me. It's stuck there forever.

Yeah, my parents were pretty scary to me during that time. But that's alright, I deserved it. It kind of takes a bit of the guilt away.

Before my little brother...you know, left, I used to pick him up from daycare everyday after school.

And one time, like a couple of weeks ago, I went there. For a few minutes I forgot he was gone. I forgot that car accident ever happened. I thought he was still here. Living, breathing, giggling, smiling with those cute dimples I never inherited.

So when I arrived at his daycare, I asked the two leaders there, where my little brother was and said that I was going to bring him home.

They both looked at me with confusion at first then it switched into a guilty expression.

Then that was when I finally remembered that it wasn't true. That I was just being clueless and stupid. He wasn't here. He wasn't breathing. He wasn't alive. He was gone. And I just stood there at the daycare center. Then I began to cry because that horrible memory dug into my mind again, playing over and over.

I don't know. I just woke up that day and forgot it ever happened. Until they told me he was gone and said that I should probably see a therapist for personal help, then that's when my mind came back to reality.

I was a mess.

And the driver that hit me?

Oh, yes. I still remember that person. I still remember that face. I don't know him, but I kinda hate him.

He went to jail after the accident. I don't know for how long but I'm just glad he's there.

I hate that person.

He's also the reason for my little brother's death. Accident or on purpose, I can never forgive that lunatic. He was speeding and when I tried to signal for him to stop, he never did and everything went blank. Asshole.

Wait, how did you know a car hit us?..

Anyway, thank you for still sticking with me with this whole letter-sending thing. Even when I'm such an emotional mess. I'm sorry for dragging you into this. It's just nice, you know, having a friend again and being able to talk about all your problems, blah blah sappy stuff, haha.

You're alright for being my therapist.

You rock.

So, why don't you go tell me what's bothering you in your life.

It's my turn to play as Doctor Phil. :)

- Mollie