Dear No One [on hold]

She Used To

She Used To

She used to live in a nice, big, and comforting house

She used to have two loving and caring parents that would always buy her a blouse

She used to have a cute little brother that she and her parents just adored so much

She used to have friends that made her heart feel so touched

She used to go to a school where everyone was friendly and kind

She used to know how to make up her own mind

She used to feel sane and joyful everyday

But when March 1st arrived, all that went away

It was prom night, where all the teenagers go to have fun and dance with friends

But she had to stay home and babysit her little brother to keep him safe and cleansed

Her parents told her to not go to prom and stay home then left to go for a meeting

Just her and her baby brother both alone on the kitchen table, quietly eating

Suddenly, the phone rang, she picked it up

Her friends begged for her to go to prom with them, sneak out, find a dress, put some makeup

At first she was unsure about that plan, wondering what she would have to do with her little brother

Then she decided that she should go and just leave him with her sweet, loyal grandmother

She got all dressed up, ready to go, then grabbed her little brother and buckled his seat belt in the car

While he was humming the tune, "twinkle, twinkle little star"

She smiled at him through the rearview mirror as she started the car engine

Excited for prom. This night will be the definition of perfection

But for some reason, one of the street traffic lights kept changing from red to green every second

She didn't know when to either stop or go

She chose to stop

Then everything became a madhouse blur

It got worse

She then woke up with a painful headache, on a white bed, in a bright clean room

The room smelt like soap, blood, and medical fumes

The hospital

She saw her mother crying on a chair while her father was comforting her

She then asked her mother what was bothering her

Her little brother died

They all stopped breathing for a second and cried

It got worse

A few days later, her mother and father had a change in attitude

They became crueler and crueler to her every single day, she was so screwed

They've mistreated her, called her names, and repeatedly swore

They treated her like she wasn't even their daughter anymore

Then one night, she accidentally broke a glass

Her parents just couldn't take it anymore and that this was the last

Her father grabbed her by the hair and shoved her out the front door

He then said "You killed your own brother. You are a disappointment to this family. You are not welcome here anymore."

And she was out

Fortunately, her grandmother accepted her

She now secretly and illegally lives in a really small elderly retirement home

With her three other cousins and one with down syndrome

It was a very small and crowded place, everything was a mess, she had no privacy

That is when she finally gained anxiety

She lost her friends and moved to a new school

Where everyone there thought she was the opposite of "cool"

Everyday, she felt like she was in a messed up whirlpool

It got worse

One evening, she got the news that her mother had been involved in a car accident

That news was even more worse than her parents' abandonment

Her brother was gone

Her mother was gone

Her father became a drunkard, doing God knows what

Her friends don't even count as friends anymore

Her new school sucks

She can't even make up her own mind anymore

Her whole world broke down

Her whole world is a disaster

She regrets stopping

She regrets driving

She regrets choosing to sneak out

She hated herself

It was all her fault

The guilt was killing her

Why did she have to be the one to live?

Why couldn't she have been the one to leave earth?

Not her brother

Not her mother

Just Her

She used to live in a nice, big, and comforting house

She used to have two loving and caring parents that would always buy her a blouse

She used to have a cute little brother that she and her parents just adored so much

She used to have friends that made her heart feel so touched

She used to go to a school where everyone was friendly and kind

She used to know how to make up her own mind

She used to feel sane and joyful everyday

She used to have all of that

She used to be happy

She used to

- Mollie