My Choice

Chapter 9

"Hey, Dad?" Haruhi looked up from the halfway finished plate of food before her and looked at her father who was sitting across from her. "I, um… Well you see…"

Ranka noticed how his daughter struggled with her words, how her face was painted an embarrassed and nervous shade of red, and how her plate was still halfway full after nearly an hour of eating. Worry started to creep up inside him, wondering what was on his daughter's mind for her to be stumbling with her words and nervous to bring whatever it was up to him. Putting his fork down, Ranka spoke in a voice strictly used for when he was in serious father-mode with his daughter, "What is it, Haruhi?"

Haruhi bit her lip before raising her eyes to look into her father's, "Well… Normally a girl would go to her mother about this… but you know… Umm…" Haruhi sighed, clearly getting annoyed with herself for being so nervous, "I want you to hear me out about this… Please don't get mad or anything until after I'm done. It's just… So far in life I was so focused on following in Mom's footsteps, you know, becoming a lawyer. I never really thought about my future in the family aspect; A husband, kids, they never really sat well with me. But then…" Haruhi blushed and smiled slightly, "Being with Hikaru makes me… he makes me want to get married and have children, and not just with anyone… but with him. I can see it all clearly; I'll be a successful lawyer, he'll have a clothing line- probably a collaboration with Kaoru- and we'll be married, living in a nice villa, and I can see children running around the place, maybe our own little twins." Haruhi's eyes held a distant, dreamy look in their brown depths, and a sweet, satisfied smile was on her lips.

"Haruhi…"

"I want to be with Hikaru until we're both gone from this world. He makes me happy, makes me feel and act like my true self. He doesn't mind that I have no fashion sense, that I like to study and read, that I like to keep my hair short. He accepts me for me… and I accept him for the mischievous, childish, sometimes obnoxious person he is. Dad…" Haruhi blushed once more as she looked away from her father, "How… How do you know when you're… when you're ready?"

Haruhi's face was as red as a rose, her eyes locked on a spot on the floor, her heart beating rapidly. She couldn't believe the words that came out of her mouth, to her father no less! Haruhi was always so shy about… that stuff with Hikaru, so bringing it up to her father just made her want to crawl away and die.

Ranka simply smiled before responding, "Marriage will come when it's time, Haruhi. You're still in school and will attend university afterwards. Marriage may complicate things for you with your studies. However, if you feel ready to marry after you graduate from Ouran, then you have my blessing."

Haruhi's mouth was agape as she stared at her father. He… He didn't understand what she was asking… "No, Dad… I mean… How do you know when you're… ready?"

Ranka blinked, his lips slipping from their smile as Haruhi's words sunk in, causing him to- unfortunately- understand what she was asking. He currently had two options; One being to completely explode and forbid her from seeing the boy ever again, two was to sit back and think- and speak- rationally. Taking in a deep breath, Ranka began to speak evenly, "Haruhi. … Sex is not something to be taken lightly. Sure it can be fun and pleasurable, however it can lead to other things as well. Regret, addiction, pregnancy. I know Hikaru is a good boy, but most boys his age will either stick around to keep getting what he wants, or leave you. You could end up feeling regret for giving your… virginity to Hikaru. You may want to save yourself for marriage- and yes, I know your currents thoughts on that are that you want to marry Hikaru. Let's not forget the outcome of sex. A baby. Even with you being on birth control, there is still the slight possibility you could end up getting pregnant. And a baby at your age is not something you want. I would prefer you to wait a while before you do such a thing. Sex is not something you kids should be doing to have fun or pass the time. I know you love him, Haruhi, but sex isn't the only way to show someone you love them."

Brown eyes stared at the man as he finished speaking. Haruhi was surprised her father was acting so calmly given the situation. She was expecting him to break out in his normal mode, screaming and thrashing and flying around, all the while trying to keep his daughter pure. She understood her father's view on the whole thing. She loved Hikaru, she really did… but would giving him what he wanted- having sex- be worth it? She knew Hikaru wasn't the type to leave her after they… did it, but what if he just wanted to sleep with her every chance they got? They already fooled around on a nearly daily basis. It was hard for Haruhi to kiss him without him getting turned on.

Haruhi let out a frustrated sigh, "I just… I don't feel pressured into it by Hikaru… more like society… and myself."

Ranka reached out and took his daughter's hand into his own, "Haruhi, it's a decision you have to make on your own. Don't think about what Hikaru wants, what society says. Think about yourself. When you do, when you think clearly, then you'll have your answer."

Tears stung her eyes as her mind worked double-time to try and sort out her thoughts and feelings. What was she to do? She was so conflicted. Haruhi wanted to make Hikaru happy, and wouldn't sleeping with him make him happy? Could she keep him happy just by their cuddling, kissing, dating, and joking? Could he be happy with the way things were going? Sniffing, Haruhi wiped her tears and stood, "I'm going to bed…"

Haruhi abandoned the food on her plate and went straight to her room, sliding the door closed and jumping face first onto her bed. The sobs racked her body as the inner battle waged inside of her.

What would happen if she gave herself to Hikaru physically? He was a teenage boy after all, and his hormones were all over the place. What if they went ahead and had sex? She could end up getting pregnant, even if the chances were slim. Hikaru could keep expecting sex from her. What would happen if she didn't give herself to him? Would he be mad at her since she said they would? Would he understand? They could continue going on in their relationship like they had been. Their bond could grow even stronger with the anticipation of waiting.

As Haruhi slipped off into sleep, her mind continued to try and sort out what she was going to do. It would crush Hikaru if they didn't have sex, but it would also make her feel okay that she didn't have to worry and stress over it. It would cause her to feel guilty for betraying her father if she did have sex with Hikaru, but it would also be very pleasurable and exciting.

Confusion sucks…