My Choice

Chapter 18

Awkward, heavy silence filled the warmed interior of the limo as the twin brothers sat across from each other, their honey golden eyes looking away from each other. Kaoru was unsure of what to say to his brother when he entered the limo. Hikaru had been sitting in silence, eyes looking out the limo window. Kaoru tried to form words in his head, tried to make sense of the muddled thoughts in his head... but he just couldn't.

Kaoru turned his eyes to look at Hikaru, trying to read his twin. Normally he could read Hikaru easier than a children's book, but his brother was completely blank. His emotions weren't written on his face, nor were they shinning in his eyes. He was a blank piece of paper that revealed nothing, and Kaoru wanted to tear at him until he showed something.

"Kaoru."

Kaoru jumped slightly; Hikaru slowly turning his head and speaking his name had startled him. Before he could respond, speak a single word, Hikaru continued to speak.

"Was this the first time?" Hikaru's voice was soft, not a single emotion present.

The dam between them broke, and it was time for Kaoru to start telling Hikaru the truth, "No..."

"Tell me." Still, Hikaru's voice was completely emotionless as his eyes looked into Kaoru's.

Kaoru nodded, loosening his tie and shedding the Ouran blazer from his body. The temperature had suddenly spiked up, but Kaoru knew it was his nerves and not the heating system in the limo. "When we were all hanging out last weekend... Everyone was completely gone. You and Haruhi were making out, and you started trying to... to have sex with her, and it was making her uncomfortable. So I told you that I wanted to speak to her... or something like that, I think." Kaoru ruffled his hair, trying to recall the fuzzy, unclear memories. It was like shadows passing by in his head; He was trying to see them, trying to grasp onto what was whirling around in his head. "We went into the bathroom, and I cornered her. We started kissing and making out..." Kaoru sighed, staring deeply and apologetically into his twin's eyes "We fooled around."

"Did you have sex?"

"No..." Kaoru looked pleadingly at his brother, "Hikaru, I'm so sorry. I was wasted- no that's not an excuse. I wanted- well, not really. I love-..." Kaoru's jumbled rant halted the moment the 'l' word fell from his lips.

Hikaru's emotionless eyes and face suddenly lit up with curiosity and interest and slight surprise. "You love her?"

Kaoru was expecting Hikaru to start screaming, to start beating him to a pulp. The younger twin blinked at his brother, taken aback by his reaction- well, lack thereof, really. "Y-Yes... But I knew you had feelings for her so I stepped back to let you have her. I wanted you to be happy. I'm happy that you're in love and are happy... but it still hurts..."

"... Kaoru-"

"I'm losing my brother to the girl we both love..." Kaoru's golden eyes began to tear up slightly as he looked up at Hikaru.

Hikaru opened his mouth, but snapped his head back and forth, "You know what? No! You don't get to be the one upset here, Kaoru! You messed around with my girlfriend, and now you're saying you love her. You don't get to be the one who's emotional. I should be furious right now. You're my brother, my twin, and you're never supposed to betray me. And yet... ah, fuck it!" Hikaru ran his hands through his hair, yanking at the ginger locks as the anger and frustration began to build within him.

"Hikaru, I-"

"Shut up!" Hikaru lunged forwards, pressing his lips to his twin's.

Their mouths pressed tightly together. Tongues twisted around each other. Moans were swallowed by greedy mouths. Hands tugged at clothes needily. Hikaru yanked his mouth away from Kaoru's- ignoring the trail of salvia that snapped from their lips and fell to his brother's chin- panting and shaking his head, "No, no! We said this would stop when Haruhi and I got together."

Kaoru sat back in the seat, eyes glazed over with lust as his breath left him in quiet pants, "You're the one who kissed me."

"Because you're making me mad!" Hikaru shouted, "You betrayed me, Kaoru! You fucked around with my girlfriend! So why... why am I not furious about that? Why am I not wanting to kill you?!"

Kaoru finally understood why Hikaru hadn't been so angry in the beginning, and why he was so frustrated and unstable now. For some reason, it didn't click in Hikaru's mind that he should be upset and angry at Kaoru and Haruhi, and thinking about that bothered him to where he was getting angry and frustrated. Kaoru sat up and looked at the replica straddling his waist, "You're confused..."

"What the hell- what- fuck you, Kaoru." Hikaru glared at him, shoving his hands on Kaoru's shoulders.

"Talk to me, Hika..." Kaoru raised a gentle hand to caress his brother's cheek.

Hikaru huffed in frustration, "I just... I don't know... I love Haruhi and I love you. I guess... I guess I'm not as upset as I should be because it was you. It still hurts, but I'm not... angry." Hikaru sighed and leaned forwards against his twin, suddenly feeling mentally exhausted. "I'm so confused..."

"... Have you told her about us?" Kaoru asked softly.

"No... But she- never mind..." Hikaru shook his head, his hair brushing Kaoru's neck.

"What is it, Hika?"

"Remember when you walked in on us and we started toying with her, but she got really upset and left?" Hikaru waited for Kaoru to nod before continuing, "Well, when I went to her house she told me that... that she thought about us together. You and me."

"So why not tell her?" There was a small part of Kaoru that wanted the three of them- Hikaru, Haruhi and himself- to be happy together, but he knew no matter how much he wanted that it would never happen.

Hikaru shrugged and sagged against Kaoru completely, resting his head on his twin's chest, "I don't want to scare her off..."

Kaoru sighed softly and ran his fingers through Hikaru's hair.

The silence between them was something they both missed greatly. Their relationship- extremely taboo as it was- was something that the both of them never wanted to fade away. Their love for each other was deep, and they knew it was wrong. They didn't care, though. Being in each other's presence, each other's arms, calmed them and centered them. There was something so deep and precious about their connection that no one would understand. So when Haruhi came into the picture... that wholesome feeling between the two stopped. It didn't fade completely, but the intimacy they felt did.

"Hika?" Kaoru lifted his brother's chin, gazing deeply into the eyes that mirrored his own.

"Kao?"

Their lips hovered closely, nearly touching. The sexual tension between the two was as strong as ever. Their intimacy stopped when Hikaru told Kaoru that he and Haruhi were together, and both boys missed it every night they slept wrapped up in each other's arms. Kaoru's eyes fell down to look at Hikaru's parted lips, and he fought back the urge to press their lips together once more.

"Are we okay?" Kaoru whispered softly, his breath skimming Hikaru's lips.

Hikaru nodded, "Yes..."

Pulling away from Kaoru, Hikaru lowered the blacked-out privacy window that separated them from the drive, "Can you go back to Haruhi's house, please? Thank you." He rose the window and settled back on Kaoru's lap. "We need to talk to Haruhi... The three of us need to sit down and talk."

"What about Mother's dinner tonight?" Kaoru asked in a worried voice. "You know she'll be upset that we are meeting the up-and-coming designers."

"She'll understand..." Hikaru said softly. "We need to talk. Set boundaries and lines. I want Haruhi to know that I forgive her... but I will never let you two be alone again."

Kaoru sighed, tucking Hikaru's head under his neck, "That's understandable."

Whatever lines and boundaries Hikaru was going to set down between the three of them were not meant to be crossed. Ever. Hikaru wasn't one for boundaries, in fact he was notorious for pushing as far past any boundaries that came his way as he could, and when he did set something down, it meant he was either uncomfortable or wanted control. In this situation, his reasoning was both. Kaoru could only imagine what Hikaru wanted to lay down between the three of them...