my story- unleashed

chapter 9

i love food but from all the ruckus in my life i had lost my appetite. the little bit i used to also came out as soon as i ate anything.  aunt and herlin had left but there impact hadn't. i was growing weaker day by day. i had changed 4 doctors in 45 days but it was of no use. the medicines they prescribed didn't even made slightest of an impact. i kept lying on my bed too weak to get up and thought about all the noise in my head. i cried for days without any reason. for once i had thought of putting all the noise to an end, put my life to an end.
nobody could diagnose what was wrong because all the tests were clear. i couldn't go to school- i had no energy to get up. to put up with judge-mental human race. 
then came the 5th doctor. he saw the reports and concluded the problem was not in my body, it was in my head. i was diagnosed with clinical depression. 
 Major depression feels like intense pain that can't be identified in any particular part of the body. The most pleasant and comforting touch can feel painful to the point of tears. People seem far away—on the other side of a glass bubble. No one seems to understand or care, and people seem insincere. Depression is utterly isolating. 
i was missing school, keith and iris were constantly asking me to join school saying once you join back everything will be fine. what they didn't understand was the constant pressure was pushing me further to dwell into the dark pit. 

i couldn't explain to them how i used to feel. reading the texts i used to feel all the more alone and cry till hours. i felt like a failed experiment in mutation. all the more alone. it was as if nobody could comfort and even if someone would try they would just increase my pain even more. 
i went to school once in a while and those days i don't even remember for how long i had cried after returning. 
not because i don't like school but because the taunts and remarks made to me by everyone. i felt out of place and unwanted.
the thing with iris is she is very blunt and its good but sometimes you need to understand the situation of the other person. jokingly or knowingly i don't know but she too did what others did. it did hurt all the more intensely. 

meanwhile my friends genovia and iqra had separated me from them. they had started to ignore me. genovia and i had been friends for more 9 years but i couldn't reach her out for help. i felt there was this big wall of stone between me and the world. 

i used to stare at the ceiling and cry thining about the good old days.
one memory i had with genovia which was crystal clear in my thoughts kept coming back to me only to hit me more hard. it had so happened one day that we both had fought when i was 7 maybe. it got so worse that i threw my flip-flops aiming at her and she saved herself but then after 10 mins we were back to playing. most of the time i was at her house or she at mine. 
that world was so happy even though she and me are two completely different people but still we somehow stick together. i wonder what had happened to us. 

patrick and me had our small fights during the period but he supported me and cared a lot. he could feel what i felt and tried his best to keep me up. he tried his best to keep me from drowning. i would say it was his efforts that i could keep my head while my body had submerged into the pool of darkness. 

i only had him for comfort. for once i thought he did have feelings for me.  it had been four months of us being together. then came another hurricane.