Poison (Frerard)

Pain

**trigger warning for suicidal thoughts/actions, graphic descriptions of blood/wounds, depression, anxiety, etc.**

The first tremors hit Gerard late in the afternoon, his hands shaking uncontrollably. He gripped the back of a chair, his knuckles turning white with how tight his grip was. Frank worriedly watched him, not knowing what to do. He eventually calmed, resting his head on his arms, sighing deeply through his nose.

"Are you okay?" Frank asked softly, soothingly running his fingers through Gerard's hair.

"No," Gerard mumbled, moving back to a standing position. He looked Frank in the eyes, something broken in his expression. "Kiss me, Frankie," he whispered, his voice pleading.

"Gee, I don't think that's a good idea-" Frank started, the redhead cutting him off with a desperate plea.

"Kiss me and make everything okay again," he begged, his voice cracking.

"No," Frank said quietly, the way Gerard seemed to crumble at the short sentence breaking his heart. "Not while you're like this."

"Am I not good enough for you?" he cried, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Do you not want me anymore, now that I'm not high and crawling all over you?"

"I will not take advantage of you, Gee. I care too much to let you try to ruin yourself. I want you to be happy, I want to see another smile light up your face, but this is not the way to make it happen," Frank said softly, cupping Gerard's cheeks in his hands. He stood on his toes and kissed his forehead, tears falling from Gerard's eyes and running down over his thumbs.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," the redhead said, drawing in a shaky breath. "I get so worked up I can't control myself anymore...

"Shh, it's okay," Frank whispered, brushing the hair out of his eyes.

"I know it's not... but thank you," Gerard said almost inaudibly, stepping away from Frank. He wrapped his arms around his middle, awkwardly avoiding his gaze.

"Gee, look at me," Frank said softly, the redhead continuing to look away before eventually meeting his eyes.

"I'm proud of you," he whispered, smiling tenderly at him. Gerard rushed forward and hugged him tightly, burying his face in his neck. Hot tears streamed from eyes, running down Frank's neck and soaking his shirt. Frank held him as he cried, gently swaying back and forth to calm him.

"Oh, Frankie, you're too good for me," Gerard sighed against his skin, a tingle going through Frank's body at the contact with Gerard's lips. He tried to ignore the sensation, doing his best to deny the heat rising in his body.

"Frankie, are you..?" Gerard asked with a giggle, Frank flushing pink.

"Forget about it," Frank said quickly, not wanting to think about Gerard thinking about his cock.

"But, Frankie..." Gerard said softly, a seductive edge to his voice. He trailed his fingers down Frank's chest, looking him directly in the eyes as he hooked a finger through one of his belt loops.

"Gee, we are not going to fuck right now," Frank stopped him, a disappointed look crossing Gerard's face. Frank removed Gerard's hands from his body, stepping away from him.

"But, why?" Gerard asked, the rejection like being stabbed in the chest.

"You know why, Gee..." Frank said in a whisper, not knowing how to explain without it coming out wrong.

"I can control my emotions, Frankie. I'm not gonna start sobbing in the middle of it," Gerard spat, crossing his arms.

"Your moods go up and down so fast and your judgment is impaired... We really shouldn't," Frank reasoned, Gerard still protesting.