unrequited

chapter 3

our love has gone cold, you're now intertwining your soul with somebody else
-
Present day
third person pov

it had been three days since Ben admitted to Lilian how he 'thought' he felt. and she hadn't talked to him since. she left his apartment the next morning before he woke up and had been avoiding his texts and phone calls since then.

she was in her apartment, alone as always. if she wasn't with ben or her best friends kayla and averi, she was alone. kayla and averi were both on vacation with their boyfriends, and obviously- she was avoiding ben. she was laying in bed cuddling to her blanket, questioning everything that has happened in her life. ben wasn't supposed to end up being the boy she loved. they were friends at first and that was it. he kissed her one day and she felt as if she was falling all too fast. she pushed her feelings down and pretended they were there. their relationship quickly became physical. when either of them needed to let off steam, they would hook up and for awhile it was enough for both of them. they weren't together but they were exclusively hooking up. after a few months it became less than enough for them both. lilian wanted more, she wanted to hold his hands in the mall, and kiss him in the photo booth, introduce him as her boyfriend and tell him how much she loved him. but it wasn't the same for him. he wanted to continue using lilian's body as his outlet, but not only her body. he wanted to explore other women as well as her. and when he questioned her on how she felt about it, she lied and the next day he was already on the hunt for a new warm body. her heart was crushed, more than it had already been. she had tried so hard to keep her feelings out of everything after the way her childhood and teenage years worked out for her, but ben opened her mind to new feelings. a feeling of safety and trust that she had never felt before. and she regretted that.

her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at her door. she groaned and rolled out of bed, avoiding the pile of tissues laying beside her. she looked at her appearance, dirty hair, sweats and a tank top. she didn't care and walked to the door. she opened it without a thought and was met with the ocean blue eyes that had completely changed her life. ben.

"what are you doing here?" lilian asks, her voice cracking several times. she looked down at her feet and turned away, walking towards the couch and sitting down, knowing he'd let himself in either way.

"i could ask you the same, where have you been? i've texted you at least a dozen times and called you more than that," ben follows her to the couch and sits beside her, placing his hand on her knee. she flinches, pulling her legs beneath her quickly. "did you stop taking your meds lil?" ben whispers, trying to meet his eyes with Lilian's.

"you think that just because i decide not to talk to you for three days it means I've stopped taking my antidepressants? fuck no ben, you aren't my happiness. i just haven't felt like talking to you. i haven't stopped my meds, why would you even ask that?" lilian gets mad very quickly and Ben anticipated that, as it is just who she is. but the truth was, she hadn't stopped taking her meds, she just couldn't look at his face without wanting to burst into tears.

"then what's going on lil? you haven't gone a day without talking to me since we met last year. what changed from the other night? was it because i said i loved you? because i don't, it was just a weak moment and i felt like we were so close in that second and it just slipped out," Ben rambled on, not noticing the tears filling Lilian's eyes. she was staring down at her fingers, intrigued by the nails she couldn't seem to stop biting.

"no, it's not that. i knew you didn't mean it which is why i didn't respond. I've just been feeling down lately," lilian sighs and hugs her blanket closer to her body, hoping for some sort of protection. and just as that thought passed her mind, ben pulled her small frame into his much larger one. her head nuzzled into his chest and he held her to his body as tight as he could.

"i'm always here lil. i won't ever let go. because i do love you, you're my best friend. my everything," he placed a kiss to her forehead and held her sobbing body for another hour. shortly after he calmed her down they put on some stupid comedy movie that ben promised would make lil feel better. they fell asleep on the couch together, limbs intertwined, heartbeats and breathing in unison.