West Side Story (but with lesbians)

Act 1. Scene 2.

5:30 P.M. A back yard.

On a small ladder, a good-looking sandy-haired boy is painting a vertical sign that will say: "Doc's." Below, Riff is haranguing.

RIFF: Riga tiga tum tum. Why not? ...You can't say ya won't, Tony gal, without sayin' why not? RIFF: Because it's me askin':Riff. Womb to tomb!

TONI: Sperm to worm! [Surveying the sign.] You sure this looks like skywritin'?

RIFF: It's brilliant.

TONI: Twenty-seven years the boss has had that drugstore. I wanna surprise him with a new sign.

RIFF: [shaking the ladder.]Toni, this is important!

TONY: Very important: Acemen, Rocketmen.

RIFF: What's with you? Four and one-half year I live with a buddy and his family. Four and one-half years I think I know a person's character. Buddy, I am a victim of disappointment in you.

TONI: End your sufferin', little man. Why don't you pack up your gear and clear out?

RIFF: 'Cause your ma's hot for me. [TonI grabs his arms and twists it.] No! 'Cause I hate livin' with my buggin' uncle, uncle ,UNCLE! [Toni releases him and climbs back up the ladder.]

TONI: Now go play nice with the Jets.

RIFF: The Jets are the greatest!

TONI: Were.

RIFF: Are. You found something' better?

TONI: No, But-

RIFF: But what?

TONI: You won't dig it.

RIFF: Try me.

TONI: OK... Every single damn night for the last month, I wake up-and I'm reachin' out.

RIFF: For what?

TONI: I don't know. It's right outside the door, around the corner. But it's comin'!

RIFF: What is? Tell me!

TONI: I don't know! It's-like the kick I use to get from bein' a Jet.

RIFF: [quietly]...Or from bein buddies.

TONI: We're still buddies.

RIFF: The kick comes from the people, buddy.

TONI: Yea, but not from a Jet.

RIFF: No? Without a gang you're an orphan. With a gang you walk in two's three's four's. And when your gang is the best, when you're a Jet, buddy, you're out in the sun and home free home!

TONI:Riff, I've had it. [Pause.]

RIFF: Toni, the trouble is large: The Sharks bite hard! We got to stop them now, and we need you! [Pause. Quietly.] I never asked the time of a day from a clock, but I'm askin' you: Come to the dance tonight... [Toni turns away.] ...I already told the gang you'd be there.

TONI: [after a moment, turns to him with a grin] What time?

RIFF: Ten?

TONI: Ten it is.

RIFF: Womb to tomb!

TONY: Sperm to worm! And I'll live to regret this.

RIFF: Who knows? Maybe what you're waitin' for'll be twitchin' at the dance!

[He runs off.]

TONI: Who knows?

[Music starts and she sings:] Could be!...Who knows?... There's something due any day; I will know right away, Soon as it shows. It may come cannon-balling down thru the sky, Gleam in its eye, Bright as a rose! Who knows?... It's only just out of reach, Down the block, on a beach, Under a tree... I got a feeling there's a miracle due, Gonna come true, Coming to me! Could it be? Yes it could. Something's coming, something good, If I can wait! Something's coming, I don't know what it is, But it is Gonna be great! With a click, with a shock, Phone'll jingle, door'll knock, Open the latch! Something's coming, don't know when but it's soon-Catch the moon, One-handed catch! Around the corner, Or whistling down the river, Come on-deliver To me! Will it be? Yes, it will. Maybe just by holding still, It'll be there! Come on something, come on in, don't be shy, Meet a gal, Pull up a chair! The air is humming, And something great is coming! Who knows? It's only just out of reach, Down the block, on a beach...Maybe tonight...

[The Lights Dim]