West Side Story (but with lesbians)

Act 1. Scene 6.

Midnight. 

The drugstore. A suggestion of a run-down, musty general store which, in cities, is called a drugstore. A door leading to the street outside; another leading to the cellar below. Baby John is reading a comic book; A-rab is playing solitaire; Anybodys is huddled by the jukebox: Action is watching the street door. The atmosphere is tense, jumpy. Action slams the door and strides to the dart board.

ACTION: Where the devil are they? Are we havin' a war council tonight or ain't we? [He throws a dart savagely.]

BABY JOHN: He don't use knives. He don't even use an atomic ray gun.

A-RAB: Superman. Gee, I love him.

SNOWBOY: So marry him.

ANYBODYS: I ain't never gonna get married: too noisy.

A-RAB: You ain't never gonna get married: too ugly.

ANYBODYS ["shooting" him]Pow pow!

A-RAB: Cracko, jacko! [Clutching his belly, he spins to the floor.] Down goes a teen-age hoodlum.

BABY JOHN: Could a zip gun make you do like that? [A second of silence. Then Snowboy slams into the room and they all jump.]

ACTION: What the hell's a matter with you?

SNOWBOY: I got caught sneakin' outta the movies.

A-RAB: Sneakin' out? Whadd'ya do that for?

SNOWBOY: I sneaked in.

ACTION: A war council comin' up and he goes to the movies.

ANYBODYS: And you let him be a Jet!

BABY JOHN: Ah, go walk the streets like ya sister.

ANYBODYS [jumping him]Listen, jail bait, I licked you twice and I can do it again. [From the doorway behind the counter a little middle-aged man enters: Doc.]

DOC: Curfew, gentlemen. And lady. Baby John, you should be home in bed.

BABY JOHN: We're gonna have a war council here, Doc.

DOC: A who?

A-RAB: To decide on weapons for a big-time rumble!

SNOWBOY: We're gonna mix with the PRs.

DOC: Weapons. You couldn't play basketball?

ANYBODYS: Get with it, buddy boy.

DOC: War councils-

ACTION: Don't start, Doc.

DOC: Rumbles...

ACTION: Doc-

DOC: Why, when I was your age-

ACTION: When you was my age; when my old man was my age; when my brother was my age! You was never my age, none a you! The sooner you creeps get a hip to that, the sooner you'll dig us.

DOC: I'll dig you early graves, that's what I'll do.

A-RAB: Dig, dig, dig-

DOC: What're you gonna be when you grow up?

ANYBODYS [wistfully.]: A telephone call girl![The store doorbell tinkles as Riff enters with Velma.]

SNOWBOY: Riff, hey!

ACTION: Are they comin'?

RIFF: Unwind, Action. Hey, Doc, Toni here?

DOC: No, Riff, it's closing time.