Juliana's Diary

Hi everyone I hope you like the Diary so far. This is a first time edit so if you see mistakes let me know. Please let me know what you think so far.

Tammy

May 23, 2012

Dear Diary,

       I received my schedule for the final days for Bye Bye Birdie after school. I have singing classes Monday and Wednesday. Then I have play practice Tuesdays and Thursdays, Friday is whatever the teacher wants to work on. Well it only for a short while and I think I can handle it. Ben’s coming over to practice tonight. I can’t wait to start practicing with him. There was a weird guy in the play named Jake, he is such a nerd. He dresses gothic but he is a poser. He wears black clothes from head to toes. Black hair, brown eyes and glasses no less. Anyway I bumped into him, my breath caught.

       I don’t know why, I felt something down in my toes just by touching him. My body always likes the guys that are bad for me. I think with my head. They have to be popular, cute, and a lot of girls have to want him because that’s how you stay popular. Anyway after I bumped into him he said “My apologies princess,” in the most sarcastic tone. I couldn’t say anything because it took me off guard. I don’t know what I did to this guy but I’m not a princess. I guess homecoming princess for our junior class but he didn’t have to be rude about it. Jake is Ben’s under study.

            I really don’t like him. As long as I have known him he has called me names and picked on me. His not bad, in sports and things but his Ben understudy and if something happens I will have to kiss him on stage. I don’t want to kiss him and he doesn’t look like a Hugo with that black greasy hair. My mom put my quote today under my door or it fell off my door I’m not sure anyway… “I will hold you up when you can’t stand, I will Wipe away the tears when you Cry, I will fight for you when you give up and will love you and always!” by Unknown

May 25, 2012

Dear Diary,

       I had to work on my song “How lovely to be a Woman.” This is a funny song. The song has some good points to it like to “Pick out a boy and train him.” “I can’t wait to go to fancy nightclubs and stay out after ten.” I’ve stayed out pass ten before but it would be fun to stay out all night and have my parents know it and not sneak out of the house. I have done that twice with McKenzie. There wasn’t anything fun about it. I worried the whole night my parents would find out. I learned don’t sneak out unless you want to be caught. I have this song in my head now and it is driving me crazy. I bet I sang it over twenty times today and now it’s ringing in my ears.             Ben drove me home. I love having him as my boyfriend in the play and out. We ran some lines today that Ben was having trouble with but I really didn’t care. We still have time and he will learn his lines really soon. If he doesn’t get it soon then I will have him come over a practice more.

       Why am I so tired, maybe I need more sleep or more food?  I’m dieting again maybe that’s it. I got on the scale and gained two pounds, people will be calling me fat soon if I don’t loss the weight. The not eating is not helping, I got on the scale today and didn’t loss it ounce. I want to cry. Maybe I should look up some easier ways to lose weight. I don’t want to look fat on stage.      My mom quote for the day… “Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others,” By Ellen DeGeneres. What’s that expose to mean? I can’t think about it now. I really need to get some sleep, my grandma paid for me and my mom to go to a spa for the works this will be so fun. Goodnight diary, sweet dreams and thank you for letting me talk to you. Prom tomorrow so nerves about the nomination, I just hope I win.

May 26, 2012

Dear Diary,

      I won! I can’t believe I won. The night started out really good till I ran into Jake. On the dance floor, I tried to ignore him but every time I looked over at him he was looking at me. Ben went and got us something to drink and McKenzie dared me to dance with him. Then went and asked him to dance with me. She wanted me to shoot him down but it’s not my style. I really wanted to shot McKenzie but when he came and asked me to dance I said yes and everyone at my table mouth dropped.

             That was fun, I shocked them. Jake held out his hand and I felt it again that jolt that goes from your hand to your stomach where all the butterflies live and they all went crazy at once. I can’t like him, his not my type. We started to dance and he didn’t say anything. His friends were laughing and my friends were in shock.

       So I think we were both proving a point to our friends. The song Wild Horses were playing and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Then the song ended and another slow song started and” Then I heard the dedication “This is for Juliana and Jake,” OMG I thought and pulled away. My friends are playing with me I thought and I stayed and dance the second dance not sure what to take what he said but the butterflies stayed. That’s when Jake said “This time it’s for us not our friends.”

       This would fuck with my populating if I dated him. I looked at my friends no one was laughing now and Ben looked pissed. Good see if they try and do that to me again. “I think I pissed off you boyfriend,” Jake said in my ear he started holding me closer. I didn’t stop him because it felt so right to be in his arms. Is this what having feeling for a guy feels like because I’ve never felt it before.  The song was All My Life by K-Ci & JoJo, and then he said whispered in my ear before the song was done, every time I hear this song for the rest of my life I would think about this feeling and him. “This is how I feel about you and always will.”

       I almost fell for it till his friends started laughing and I know he was messing with me. I pulled away, told him he had his fun and to stay away from me and walked back to my friends. For the rest of the night I couldn’t get Jake out of my head. When Ben said he got us a room, I wanted to scream. I’m not ready. I was never so glad for the talk I had with my dad when I was sixteen. He said that if I get in a mess and need help call and he won’t ask question. I text my dad “Apple”

He texted back “You at school”

“Yes,” I texted back

       My dad always is great. If he says something he does it and won’t question me about it. My mom will ask a lot of question to get it out of me. My dad came into the gym and I went to him. “Ready,” he said.

“Let me get my shoes,” I told my friends I was in trouble. Told Ben bye and walked out with dad. I grounded myself for a week and told my friends it was bad but didn’t tell them what I did. It worked.

       My dad drove me home and when we were almost home he said “Let’s get ice cream,” and drove into Artic Circle. My dad got a burger and coke I got fries and shake. I needed comfort food. We ate and then he said “He got a hotel room for tonight?” How the hell did he know? I thought.

       I said “Yes,” not looking into his eyes. “You did the right thing.” I’m not sure I did the right thing now. Ben is going to be pissed at me.

       When I got home there was a quote on my door… “Once you give in to someone else decision, that’s the time you start to lose yourself,” by your mom. Why does Ben want sex so bad and is there something wrong with me because I don’t want it with him?