Love, War, and Androids

part fourteen: the part not about funky cool dance moves

By the time I had stopped having a stomach problem and stopped resembling a corpulent whale, the rest of the world had already fallen victim to the mashed potatoes. This had two effects, one people had to start changing their potato mashers into atomic blasting potato mashers. This was quite a problem if you did not know how to do this. The second was that now the rest of the world had stomach problems and resembled a corpulent whale, or rather a large group of corpulent whales.

Unfortunately, this is my tale, not the tale of the rest of the world. Although the Deep South is going to need my help after this. Oh, well, I am sure there will be time to go back and help them later.

Right now Jean was trying to force a rather large bite of sweet potato pie into my mouth. As you could probably guess, I was running away at this point. Unfortunately, she was in the way of the door. I had to back off to the wall.

My back touched the wall.

"Stay back foul substance!" I said, while making a cross with my fingers. Then I rethought this and made a larger cross with my hands.

"Ha!" I said.

"Back away foul substance!" I said while I closed my eyes and cringed.

She put it between a gap in my hands and forced it into my mouth.

Oh, bark.

This stuff is good.

"Man! This stuff is good! Where did you-? Can I have the recipe?" I wanted to say, the only thing that came out was the following.

"What the bark were you thinking woman?!?! You could have poisoned me! I have enough potatoes in me right now thank you!"

She stared at me like I was an idiot.

"Sweet potatoes are yams," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, I knew that,"

Lie.

"Would you like more?" She asked.

"Actually, yes,"

I got a plate of the stuff and sat down to eat it.

Jean sat down across from me.

We sat in silence.

Then she reached her hand across to touch mine.

I retracted mine to touch the edge of my plate.

I kept it there.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"About the hand thing? It's okay, don't do it again,"

"No, not that," she said.

I looked at her.

"What then?" I asked, ever suspicious.

She looked at me sweetly.

"The laxative in the pie. I got my slice from another pie,"

I just stared at her.

"WHAT?!?!?! Now you listen here you little creti- uh oh,"

My stomach rumbled. Then it made a rather loud 'bwioing' noise.

"Oh bark!" I shouted running to the bathroom.

I hate her.

I relieved myself then I went back to yell at her.

She had fallen asleep in the pie.

"Tsk, tsk. What am I going to do with you?" I said, in a motherly tone.