Love, War, and Androids

part twelve: corruption

Yep. The mashed potatoes attacked. I was instantly blinded as two pounds of mashed potatoes slammed itself into my face.

Now, I am actually rather glad that this happened. For one, this means that I don't have to worry about explaining myself to Jean, as I have two pounds of mashed potatoes currently on my face, attempting to suffocate me with its' potato-y goodness, and two, this really broke the climactic mood that was leaving me feeling rather uncomfortable, and then replaced it with an uncomfortable silence. I just wish that this could of happened another way.

"mmph mth uffa me," I said, struggling to get the aggressive potatoes off of my face. Suddenly I wished we had some red food die and a dehydrator. No particular reason, as these things could not possibly help, I just thought about it.

I suppose that I really couldn't expect Jean to help. She's busy panicking. And hitting me on the face with a large wooden spoon. Now where she got this spoon from is a mystery to me.

Finally I had an idea. It wasn't a very good idea and my stomach would hate me for it later. I was desperate though.

I was going to eat the potatoes.

I opened my mouth wide and chomped the first bite.

Unfortunately, this had two affects. One, I became thirsty, and two gravy came spurting out of it and, as the gopher from 22nd street as my witness, it screamed. Loud.

It jumped from my face and then, as a reflex, or so she told me, Jean smacked my face with the wooden spoon. Hard.

"Confound it woman! The Potatoes are off!" I shouted, rubbing my nose.

"Sorry," she said,"reflex,"

Told you.

I took my wrist launcher and shot a dart at the potatoes. Unfortunately, they are potatoes, so this had little affect.

I had no choice but to eat them.

I got a fork in each hand.

"Time to die, potato fiend!" I said.

It quivered. Then it shot itself at me.

I ducked and it hit the wall. I stabbed it with a fork and began to eat it again. When I finished, I could feel it dying in my stomach.

I burped.

"Well, that is an experience that I do not want to repeat again," I said.

Then five more potato monsters jumped from the air vents.

"Bark it!" I shouted nearly to the point of tears.

Here we go again.

There is no need to retell about this. The only thing that you need to know about is that it involved four different forks, three spoons, fourteen tranquilizing darts, three screaming people, four goose eggs, and five rubber chickens. This wasn't the best thing in the world. I gained four pounds.

I rolled around on the ground.

"My tummy hurts," I said.

Not exactly the perfect picture of heroism. But it'll do. It'll do.

"Well," I said again,"That was a new experience. I don't want to see another potato again,"

Jean jumped up.

"Really? Well then, you probably don't want to see what we were going to have for dessert," Jean said looking away.

I rolled my eyes.

But still, I was curious.

"What?"

Jean smiled sweetly.

"Sweet potato pie,"