Still Sane

two

Tears.  The salty fluid that contains protein, water, mucus and oil. It smears my mascara and finds its way down my face. The silent language of sadness continues to extract as I walk into my period 1 class.

"Sadie." Samia yelled from across the room. I ignored her and sat in my seat in the first row and opened up my notebook. I was kinda upset with her about what had happened the previous day and how she never thought about how I feel.

"Sadie go back there." Samia said starting to nudge me multiple times on the shoulder.

"Okay." I sighed and shut my notebook and began walking to the back of my history classroom.

She began telling me all these stories about her day with Liam until I found myself dazing off.

"Sadie!!!" She started to wave her two hands in my face. I shoved her hands to the side and left to my seat.

The class begins and I hand in my essay that had me staying up until 3am and copy down my notes.

All I could think of while I wrote every letter was my dad starting to take a pill for his bipolar disorder. I had read the side affects for them and they were just plain awful.

******

I got home that night and went straight to my workout.

Midway through my workout, my father came in my room.

"Did you get my pills yet?" I asked when he sits himself on my bed.

"No. The doctors wants to wait a little."

"Oh." I said kinda happy.

"You should come with me to therapy next week though."

"I should." I said agreeing.

He kinda does some victory dance as I see him off. The same victory dance, he'd do with my mom when I would finish all my dinner when I was younger.

I opened my notebook to a clean page and start reviewing for a math exam that I have next week.

"SINE TANGENT COSINE" I repeated over and over again. Math is one of my favourite subjects. Frankly I never understood people who hate math. It's man-made but yet the whole world is whittled by math.  It can inspire creative thinking, and even solving problems is just an art of its own.

I continued to review for my math test and decide to throw on the same clothes I'd worn the night before and go out to enjoy the scenery around my neighborhood.

*******

I walked down the busy streets of my favourite city. Well one of the only cities I've been to. I had a serious fear of planes.

I loped along the sidewalk and into the street. I hear a taxi honk and give it no attention because it was normal for a taxi to honk. I continue to stroll down the streets until a taxi pulls up beside me.

I glanced through the foggy windows to see Samia telling me to come in the car.

She opened the door for me and I tossed myself besides her.

I give her a confused look. "Wait where are you taking me?"

"I'm taking you to a party. I called you several times and came by your apartment. Your dad said you'd probably be around Lexington Ave so-"

"Wait you're taking me to a party in sweats?" I asked giving her a repulsive look.

"It's fine. I'm not that fond of my outfit either."

I looked down to see her wearing the red dress that I had gotten her for her birthday.

I wasn't sure if she had attempted to offend my style of clothes or if she'd simply forgotten I got her this dress last month in October. Going to this party was my chance to try new things and take a turn in what I found as my boring, tiring life.

The taxi stopped at Washington Square park and Samia ran out of taxi without paying.

"Samia." I yell. "You need to pay, don't you?"

Samia disappears from my view. I grab the last couple of dollars in my wallet and hand it to the driver.

"Why would you do that?" I ask Samia as we enter a big house.

"Just go have fun. I'm going to meet Liam upstairs."

All of the sudden, all the talk I gave myself about trying new things and taking a turn in my life disappeared and I sat on the only chair in the room.   So far, only talked to 4 people; three guys and one girl. The conversation I had with each one of them consisted of them cussing at me for sitting on their jacket. I wanted to just get up and take shots but I couldn't get myself to do it, no matter how much I wanted to.

Is this party ever going to end?

The clock sitting on the wood walls of the house was never moving. I texted Samia to see where she was. Before, I could send a message, a light skinned guy held a small cup up and asked if I wanted to do shots.

I said no and saw him walk away with the cup hitting the side of his thighs every time he took a step.

Maybe I wasn't ready to take shots yet, but I think I'm at least ready to dance!! I told myself.

Minutes later, I found myself pushing myself into a crowd of girls dancing to a Rihanna song. A crowd start circling around me as I started to dance. The same dances I'd do in my room at 2 am.

"Nice ass." A guy said directing his hand to slap my butt.

I pushed him away before he can touch me.

At some point, there were too many people around me and I couldn't find my way out of the room to get some fresh air. It was so hot. I felt the sweat rolling down my neck. I had to get out of this room. I placed my hands on the back of a girl leaning on me and pushed her as hard as I can making her push into the girls dancing in front of her to make myself an entrance out.

Her cold hands stroked me on my left cheek. I placed my hand on my cheek and glanced at the opening space I could now use to exit the room. I took one glance at the girl who had slapped me and walk out of the room. I wasn't gonna spark up a fight with a girl who was probably too drunk to remember it.
If this is how parties are then I better get used to it!! I thought to myself as I stepped out for air.

+++

"OMG !! I'm so sorry." I said throwing the door shut behind me. I should have knocked because I had opened into a room with a couple making out naked.

"It's normal." A familiar face said from outside the room. She was laying in the middle of the hallway on her back. I recognized her and remembered how she made my cheek red with her hand that she slashed on my face.

"Sorry about the slap by the way." The girl said as she put her hand up in the air for me to pull her up. I pulled her up and sat her in a chair. She was tipsy but she could still walk on her own.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Beatrice. Bea for short."

"I'm Sadie."

"Noice." She said offering me a cigarette.

"No." I said because I wasn't read to smoke either.

"Okay loser." She said placing the cigarette between her two fingers.

I watched her have her smokey treat. She lowered herself to the ground and bent her knees near the window sill. She puts it out and places the cigarette butt on the window ledge and watches the wind take it with it. She turns around to see me studying everything she is doing.

"Are you sure you don't want a smoke?" She asks handing me the box.

Seeing that this night would never end, I lit one up and took a puff from the lung dart.