Sleeping Dogs Lie

Professor Pete

They had to stop at a cash machine after all and now Mike had no excuse to buy Alice a drink later. How they could ditch the Professor in any case was another problem. They were also late, so now they sped along dark, wet, English country roads to their destination in Alice's grimy, little car.

"In two hundred yards, turn left," the satellite navigation device stuck to the windscreen pronounced.

Mike sat in the back of the car and tried not to show resentment at the Professor for muscling in on his field trip. Alice sat in the driver's seat, concentrating on the narrow road as it twisted and turned through the night and the rain. The Professor pontificated, in his measured baritone, on the virtues and wonders of his Abnormal Psychology Research Unit from the front passenger seat. There was nothing the Professor liked more than the sound of his own voice except to see his name in print or, better yet, his photograph next to his name in print.

There had been a nasty moment, after Alice and the Professor had bumped heads and the Professor had been eyeing her up that Mike thought the lecherous, old sod might be after her. Of course, Mike was right, the professor was courting Alice, but not in the way Mike had feared. The Professor had reputation and he flirted outrageously with all but the most homely female students. Most of them would confess, safely out of earshot of the Professor, that he was an embarrassing creep. Five or six years ago the Professor's approaches might have worked but he had now crossed the line from distinguished late middle-age to dirty, old man and his charms no longer worked as they might have done. The Professor had many drives but the strongest one now was for self promotion.

After the rude interruption from the sat-nav device, the Professor continued with his lecture. Mike had heard it before. Between trying to avoid going into a ditch or the occasional oncoming car, Alice managed one word responses to punctuate the Professor's monologue at the appropriate pauses.

"Turn left," the sat-nav said.

The professor paused a moment as Alice took the turn from one twisted country lane into another even narrower road. Mike watched Alice's eyes in the rear-view mirror and caught them as she looked back at him. He made a rolling eye gesture and got a wink in return.

"-- Wouldn't you say, Michael?" the Professor said.

Mike started a little, he hadn't realized the Professor had finished lecturing and was now willing to let other people into the conversation.

"I said, this medium is no doubt a charlatan," the Professor said, and peered over his shoulder at Mike, making sure Mike knew his inattention had been noted.

"Certainly," Mike replied.

"I was asking Miss Ashton what techniques this medium employs," the Professor continued.

"Well, mostly, he just sits there and chats, a bit like he's relaying a conversation with someone. I'm not sure if he has any technique other than that," Alice said.

"Does he use any props? Ouija boards, spirit slates, stuff like that?" Mike asked.

"Not that I've seen," Alice said.

"Does he levitate the table?" the Professor asked.

"Good lord, no. It's a great big oak thing. I doubt he could even lift it, let alone levitate it," Alice replied.

"This medium of yours actually sounds rather mundane," the Professor said.

"He's probably using social engineering tricks to work out the names of relatives and get hints about what people want to hear," Mike said. "I guess you'd call it a mentalist trick."

"Is there someone here with a departed female relative, an older lady, her name starts with A, or is it K, maybe M..." Alice said in mock theatrical voice, "That kind of thing?"

"Yes, like that," said Mike.

"Nope, he doesn't do that either."

"In four hundred yards, you will have reached your destination," said the sat-nav.

"Right, cover stories," said Alice.

"How wonderfully cloak and dagger," the Professor remarked.

"Professor, you can be my uncle Peter and Mike, you can be my boyfriend," Alice said.

"Boyfriend, right, and what's this boyfriend's name?" Mike asked, both pleased and unsettled to be considered pretend boyfriend material.

"Mike, obviously," said Alice. All that Mike could still see in the rear view mirror were Alice's eyes but they managed to convey the hint of amusement that carried in her voice.

"In two hundred yards, you will have reached your destination," the sat-nav said.

Around a curve, house lights lit up the road ahead. As they got nearer, a farmer's cottage came into view. It was a little too ramshackle to be considered chocolate box but was still a welcome sight.

"You have reached your destination," the sat-nav said with a hint of satisfaction in its artificial voice.

Alice turned the car left, opposite the farmhouse, into a muddy field. There were other cars already parked near the gap in the hedge. Further away, towards a corner of the field a caravan and beaten up pickup truck huddled together. Alice parked near the other cars. They got out and tiptoed with care through the sodden grass and mud to the road again. As they stood at the roadside, ready to cross, Alice slipped her arm through Mike's.

"Ready to go, lover?" she asked with a grin.

Mike gave her arm a gentle squeeze in response and they all crossed the road together.