( this may trigger. Please don't read if you feel like harming yourself. It is not my intention to let my amazing readers hurt themselves. No matter how many times you may tell yourself you're useless, it's not true. I love you. A lot of people love you even if it seems like no one does. Trust me. It will get better. It's not permanent. Try to look at the bright side of things, and if you are even thinking about it don't. You are so much better than that. You're letting your bad side win, and you have to keep fighting. No matter how hard it might be to set down a blade, you have to try. You're beautiful, even if i Haven't seen your face. Beauty isn't looking at someone's face and deciding if they're "pretty" or not. And you're not worthless. Trust me. This story wouldn't be popular if it wasn't for you guys commenting, voting and reading. You make me happy just by that simple action. You have worth. It helps me through bad days knowing that you guys are here to help. Thank you so much for everything you guys have done to help this story. So, if you are thinking about harming yourself, don't. Stop right now, and remember that I care about you ALL. I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't care)
Journal entry:
She was dead, and every news station covered the story. Sometimes I think that God is purposely trying to ruin my life. First- I get pregnant, then my boyfriend leaves me? Then my friend who just came back dies. I got the call before dinner. I didn't eat. Or sleep. Or anything really. I just stared out of the window and cried. I hope I'm not the only one who thinks the happy sun is just mocking my depression. Does that make sense? I wish I could join the flock of birds peacefully glading through the sky, and not worry about the dangers below because Id be safe flying. I should just die... Right? I'm telling myself that but its probably not right. But I still don't feel like living. Maybe kill myself after the baby is born? You know. So it could live. I want to give it a chance. I have hope in my heart that Levi will come back and take our child. I hate myself for doing what I did that night. Not only for that. I'm ugly. Stupid. A failure. That's all I am right? I would trade anything to see the people I've lost for one day, and tell them sorry. I can barely write this letter without just breaking down and crying. My life is a fucking failure. I wish I could reverse everything and start over. Why did I ever fall in love with Levi? He doesn't even care about me. I bet he just sees me as another one of his toys. But I'm not. I feel like a monster for not saving Olivia... Or my parents. I could have done something... Right? That's what I tell myself everyday. I could've, but I didn't. I regret a lot of things, and I don't want to go back to making more stupid mistakes. So after the baby is born. I'm not going to have to suffer from my mistakes anymore. Please don't remember me for the mistakes I've made, or the monster I am.
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-(y/n) (l/n)
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I was listening to unravel accoustic version and looking out of the window at the birds flying in front of the sun and it was so gorgeous and I was trying to put a lot of emotion into it, but it probably won't sound as nice without the music so I added it in the description.
