Ashes to mars

9:06

By the time they'd got back to the station and she'd showered the facilities at Sam's leaving a lot to be desired and exhaustion was starting to set in.

It had been a long day. The day hadn't ended in a collar, but at least no one would have to worry about Craig Peters anymore.

No doubt they'd be some entrepreneur quick to take his place. But for now, a lumpy bed and a dreamless sleep awaited her.

Walking down the station steps, she breathed in the cold air and tried to clear her head. You know the smell before a storm, the cool crisp of it, That smell wofted all around Alex. She came to a stop as she heard a now familiar voice call her name.Sam.

"Guv didn't give you a lift." He smiled, hands in his arm pits heating them from the chill.

"He offered" She smiled back, knowing he was worried about her, "but I thought I'd walk, clear the cobwebs."

"Don't be silly," Sam admonished gently, " this time of night" looking into the clouded sky with rain clouds looming, "even if you have cheated death today." He joked. "Two days, already been shot at. Impressive stuff."

And what a two days they'd been. She took another breath, feeling very tired and very cold. The Guv was right; she was in it for the long haul.

"Two days in and just silence. Absolutely nothing"

He sighed at her dejected expression. "Give it-"

"Time." Alex shook her head, accepting that finally it's time to let go. "I don't have any more time, Sam."
He frowned as she showed him her watch.
"9:06, on the dot."
It didn't make sense to him, but somehow it did to her. "I'm like you. I'm like I feel. I'm dead."

Sam wanted to say something reassuring. He sensed that, despite everything, she'd give everything to go back to their world.
It wasn't his world, not anymore and he doubted it was hers anymore. Due to this 9:06

He shook his head "oh Alex."

Her breath hitched as a thousand emotions assaulted her. Part of her heartbroken, part of her relieved, part of her desperate, part of her angry, part of her happy that it was over. Happy she didn't have to worry about all this. Everything.

But then part of her had left with a little girl, who was sitting in a hospital waiting room, crying in the arms of her Ian.

Molly.

"My baby..." She choked bringing her hand to her mouth, to make it muffled as she choked on sobs and cries.

Sam sighed, bringing his arms around her. The grip and loving in his arms helped Alex let go.
All the emotions all the desperation. Everything. Molly, Gene, Even...

"Hey, hey, come on now, she's safe." He brought her back, cupping her face "everything happens for a reason. Alex remember everything you did for Molly. What a great person she'll be. You'll be with me, it'll all be okay hun, okay? We're in this together you and I-"

"And there was me thinking it was you and I in it together."

Alex and Sam turned in surprise at the other voice. Sam dropped his hands and went to smile, so pleased to see her, but then realising what she must be thinking.

"Annie, she's just..." He glanced at Alex apologetically, but looked back only to see his fiancée walking away. "Annie, wait!" Sam went to follow, but cursed, not wanting to leave Alex in such a state. "Shit. Sorry, I have to..."

"Go, go to her." Alex told him, wiping away the tears from her face. He wavered, but she smiled. The smile only crumbled. Like all the make-up, all the happy smiles, all her feelings, fake.

After he ran she herself crumbled. Molly, she'll never see her grow up. Never see her birthdays, never scold her mistakes, never have that birthday, never hold her hand, tuck her in bed, be there.

Alex will never be a mum again.

And Annie Cartwright, Alex thought, coming to sit on a step before she could face the walk home. Her engine was out of fuel. moral values and happiness singed.

On that step, she let herself cry for herself, for her old life in 2008, for Ian him having to comfort a little girl, for all the years stolen from him of freedom.

Her daughter. Even though she hasn't lived those years, Alex felt like she herself had captured them and taken them away. Prayed to anyone, anyone listening that her baby girl would be loved and happy.

And then, when she was ready, Alex picked herself up.