Tyler

She Who Hides- Two

She had so long ago forgotten how it felt to cry, how lovely that salt water felt running down her face but like a wail she dried up slowly in the heat of her surroundings. Only if she could feel something again, anything just a small beating of the heart would be enough.

Her sleep gives her no rest because she's haunted with her past. She remembers when she was young, how her mother would be passed out on the couch or in her bedroom from that beloved poison she intoxicated herself with every night. Though her mother always put on a movie on right before she took her long nap that movie always went off and that hateful sun always went down and that small lonely child was always left alone. 

Still now she can't stand to wake up to the end of a movie or be alone when the sun goes down because then even after all these years her heart still feels like it's strings were cut and it's falling four stories down to it's rightful place in a dark soul. She's avoids conflicts like these and surrounds herself with company as best she can but there's not enough people in this world to keep her occupied enough not to see that sun disappear every afternoon. 

Like most regular teenagers she enjoys music quite well, but even this separates her some. Her suicide playlist is on constant replay because she finds herself relating more to "Dark Enough" than "Dark Horse." Her earbuds and Itunes is just about the only thing that keeps her sane when there's a hundred kids crowding one hallway and there's two hundred eyes on her and there are a hundred mouths all talking at once. She looks forward to only two classes at her school, art and English because it's the only two things she strives to do in the future, but still she's forced to learn trigonometry and things she will never understand or need. For her it's not learning it's just passing to get closer to her goal of going to art school. 

conforming to what others want her to be has never been a motive of hers. At the beginning of middle school she was told she couldn't wear leggings without a long shirt to cover her butt. When she asked why she was told that the boys got to distracted otherwise. At the beginning of 7th grade she was told she couldn't wear jeans with holes in them because it looked trashy. But that was her whole wardrobe, ripped jeans and comfortable leggings, that was it. At the beginning of 8th grade she was told she couldn't wear a nose ring because of safety hazards but the real reason was they thought that too was also trashy. 

She was tired of being told what she could and couldn't do with her own body so she organized a ripped jean protest. The night before the protest she wasn't sure this would work but when she walked in the door that morning it was like seeing a revolution of angry teenagers who wanted the same thing as she. For once she had done something worth telling to somebody else and it was great, she had done something great. 

But even though she lived in a free country she was not free. She was in school suspension for two days, one for the nose ring and the other for the protest. Her black hoodie couldn't save her this time but she knew it was worth it because at least now she knew she wasn't a speck anymore she was a small edge to a large rock that would one day grow to be a boulder, she only wished she could be a big enough boulder to make an earthquake.