WORLD IN MY HANDS

BIRTHDAY

okay this one is outside the whole story but I need to gratulate someone and I would do it here. 

Today I'm going out but because I know that you, my darling have Birthday on 20 February I need to gratulate you. I know I will be drunk and high late at night so I need to write this for you now. 

Today is your birthday. I wish you a happy birthday but that's not all. You're one year older but at the inside you're still 16 or 15 or 14... You don't feel 17 do you? You'll have days when you're just want to play Pirates of Carribean  or you are deep as fuck and you want to write something or you just want to do math or you don't want to do anything at all. Some days you want to cry, sitting in mamas lap and just listen to her how she whisper to you, or you want to play football with your dad. And some days you feel like you're almost 18, so you drink alcohol or smoke something and you walk with your head up. But you are 17 and that's just a number. 

But I must to tell you something. I know we haven't talk to each other for a while and there's no worry because you have your friends and I have mine and at least I'm not hurting. And even if we're not talking to each other a lot I wish you a happy life, I wish you all the luck you want it. But I wish you that you would except yourself for who you are and you're not somebody else. You're not a movie star, you're not professor, you're not me, you're not the smartest human in the world, you're not drug addicted, you're not somebody else so don't you even try to change yourself. Because you are for who you are. And even when you're sad, you're sad. Don't laugh by force because we see it that it's not real. 

And I know you have trust issues, even with me. But after that night we had I have trust issues with you too, but that's another story. 

You are beautiful in your own way. You won't get every single guy, but you're still young and you have so many things in front of you. Don't just look at the guy if he's handsome because he can be a fuckboy. and after that handsome guy you would have a broken heart. So look a little bit at character, it could be awesome. But really don't bother, you'll met the right one. 

Share your best friend with others. I know you tell other people you're not jealous, but deep inside I know you want your best friend only for yourself. That she or he share secrets only with you. And I had that best friend and it was you. Nobody knew that I smoke, that I'm in deep depression, that I even have suicidal thoughts, only you. Right now I know that you're gone but I just want to wake you up. So you won't make same mistake as I did. 

Don't dare that life drives you down. That you have no future because you do. You have other people to stab you in the back and front, not only me right? 

I didn't want to criticise you but i want to open your mind, I want to wake u up, because oh darling you have changed a lot in this year. But I'm always telling other people that we don't change we just show the world who we are for real. I don't know if that's you for real, but that's okay with me. I'm telling you I'm a Taurus and Taurus won't talk behind your back, they will do it right in front of you, to your face. 

I hope you have friends like you want it, i hope you found boyfriend like you imagine, I know you will be successful in life but really don't let that others drag you down. And really, you're your own person. You're not somebody else, and you can't be good with everything. But you're pretty special with some things. 

i hope that this 17 would be great. So that 18 will be the best. I wish you all the good things and that someday apple would fall at your head and you would found something you were searching and that's the Newton. 

I wish you all the best. I know you will have great time on your birthday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!