WORLD IN MY HANDS

I must mention that

Like I said, I will get high, I will be so drunk so I can't even remember what I did last night. But I know some things. 

It was just casual morning and I saw that it's 20 February so it's Lena's birthday. After I wrote something for her birthday I wasn't happy and sad. Because I know I did something good. I wished someone a happy birthday even if I didn't get good reaction I know I didn't do anything wrong. 

---

I know I didn't write anything for so long but I had so many thoughts on my mind. You know, love is killing me, my family is killing me too, school is killing me and because of that I have many days on my mind if I'm still living or just breathing and I think that answer is both. I haven't post anything for actually almost a month. And I'm sorry. Apologize is for you and me. 

Those days I changed many things. I went to other dance school. I didn't even self harm (not even once), I'm still thinking about my dad, I still wrote poems, I don't smoke weed everyday, I still don't talk to Lena, etc...,. 

I could make a list for all the things I'm doing in my life, and things I will do but I will describe some things in this story. And story will actually be written. I just have to work on it. 

I know that this post is lame, and it's nothing here that would help you with life but you must realize something. Not all things you do will be great for other people, but some things will be. You must put yourself on number 1, because I don't know if anyone will put you there. Save yourself first and then save the others. Once my dearest friend (my ex-lover) said "you can't love the others if you don't love yourself first. But if you love yourself, then you can share your love with others". At first, I didn't really agreed with him, but now I do. You must love yourself. So you must save yourself at first, and then save the others. 

I forgot to mention you that man .. and his friend. we've met this summer and then we all have a fight with Nancy and those guys. But now we're good, best squad ever. It al started...