Lipstick

Nineteen - Bronzer

Nineteen – Bronzer

There were just times that things went too according to plan – too well, that you forgot how much of a shithole life really was, such that when the bad wanted and did come to bite you in the butt, it hurt a thousand more than it'd usually do.

And that was exactly what I was experiencing as I stood in front of Aiden, his blue eyes regarding me almost... cautiously, as if bracing himself for my reaction. I blinked, letting out an awkward dry laugh.

"Oh. Um, okay. I don't really see why it should be that big of a deal right?" I said nonchalantly, really hoping my statement had some truth in it, "so, when are you 'scheduled' to come back to New York?"

I thought I saw relieve wash through his features before they were replaced once again with worry.

"Adrian, babe, that's not what I meant."

I was confused, and slightly panicky. "No?"

"No. Its –" Aiden paused, running his hands roughly through his hair and if I wasn't looking at him so intently, I wouldn't have noticed the stress and pain in those blue eyes. "– it's a transfer of schools Adrian. And the school, its in Europe."

I almost choked, "So – so you're not coming back?"

He scratched the back of this head, eyes flickering around so nervously I got the answer without even hearing it from him. I didn't know what I felt then, but all I wanted to scream. Things, things were going so well! I'd finally let my mother go and forgiven her, I'd gotten into a relationship with someone I really liked... I thought I was going to be happy!

"When are you supposed to leave?"

Aiden looked apologetic, "In a few weeks."

"A few weeks when?" I said, my voice coming out gritted and angered.

"I don't know Adrian, maybe before December, after... I – I just don't think about too much okay?"

"That soon?!" I squeaked, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because I didn't want to think about it! I don't even know if I'm accepting the offer okay? I just – I just don't want you to be mad with me."

"I'm not mad at you Aiden, I just –" I ran a hand through my hair, my throat suddenly feeling constricted with my feelings. "What if you don't come back?"

He sighed, his eyes softening as he took a step towards me, hands reaching out to hold me. "Adrian –"

"No," I stepped away from him, surprising him. "I don't know – I just can't be here right now."

I couldn't let him hold me, not right then, especially since there was a chance that there was a time when he wasn't going to be there to give me those hugs again, when there was a chance that when I needed him, he wasn't going to be there. Because that was what I always did – ran away from problems lest they made me show weakness. And that was what I did, walking out of Aiden's apartment into mine before he had the chance to change my mind.

---

I'd avoided Aiden for the rest of the week. And it was hard, considering he lived three steps across from me, was always trying to talk to me and the main fact being that I missed him like hell. So much that sometimes I just wanted to forget everything he'd told me and just go into his apartment and bury myself in his hugs.

But no, I wasn't paranoid. He was leaving. It hurt so much that it'd frightened me. Even when it hadn't been long since I'd started dating him, and just months ago, if you'd told me I would be aching so much for him the way I did now, I would've laughed in your face, and then given you a warning on bad jokes.