This Long Distance Is Killing Me

Jack's P.O.V~

I didn't really think about how Alex would react to what I did. I was afraid he'd leave me straight then an there. He was the only closest person to me other than my mom, Zach, Rian and Kara, they've helped me through the toughest of times, and this, what I did, me and Alex will need support, but especially Alex. He was always stubborn, the most hard headed boy I've ever met in my life. He will be torn over this, and it makes me regret it more because I could never leave him in my life but I'm doing this for me and my country, I'm going to go into the Army with all guilt pulsing in my veins, with my heart breaking with each step I take into that airport and onto that plane in my uniform leaving Alex for 6 years.

I am going into the army and I'm proud to serve my country over seas in Iraq. With all this non-stop fighting, and all the soilders being killed by unexpected bombers or attacks, I couldn't help but feel the need to help, I know this is going to break my friends hearts and especially my love, my other half; Alex.

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"Jack a-are you s-sure you want t-to do th-this?" my friend Zach asks mouth agape, eyes wide staring at me like a mad man who just committed a crime. I look down into my lap, maybe I shouldn't have told him first, but what am I kidding? He's been my friend longer than Rian and Kara. I had to tell him because I need his support the most. He may not like my decision on this, but it's for my country and myself. Taking a deep breath and exhaling I look up caustiously to stare at Zach in the eyes.

I nod slowly not breaking the intense glance between me and him, "Yes Zach, I want to do this. I'm going to, you can't stop me. I've already signed up.." I trail off voice getting softer and softer with each word flowing off my tounge. I watch as Zach sit up straighter where he's perched on the edge of my bed with tears obvious in his eyes. If this is how he's reacting I cannot imagine how Alex will be affected by this news. It makes my heart ache how I didn't think about this before I went to the station and signed up for the Army. I didn't think about all the heart ache I'll be causing to my mother and even worse Alex. He has always thought of my ideas as childish and not worth worrying over, but, but this isn't childs play. This is big, bigger than big. This is extreme. I may go in alive but I may or may not come out alive, or I may come out alive but injured or with a limb gone. There's so many scary thoughts about this I'm regretting this.

"Have you told anybody else about this.." I hear Zach's voice cutting my thoughts off. I stare at him afraid to answer, well because I haven't. He is the first to know about this even if it has been 3 months. That means 4 months till I'm deployed off into a foreign country with nothing but a powerful gun to keep me safe. My hearts sinks lower than it already is because I haven't even thought a second about the consequences of this. I close my eyes to open them back, licking my lips.

"No Zach, you're the only p-person that..th-that..knows.." I whisper into the silence afraid to talk louder because if I do I may just breakdown. I suck in a shaky breath as a single tear slides down my cheek. "Zach..I c-can't believe that I-I haven't told an-anyone but you. Not even my own mother knows about this, I just can't. I can't stand how much pain this is going to inflict on her. For Gods sake I haven't even told Alex, my own boyfriend. He deserves to know just as much as my mother but I can't. I'm afraid he's going to walk away from me..I need support, th-that's why I-I to-told you-" I get cut off by big arms engulfing me into a big hug. I close my eyes not wanting the tears to fall. Here I am, on the verge of crying and going into the Army, how pathetic is that?

"Shhh..Jack it's okay, I understand..j-just tell me that you'll be safe. This is scaring me so much knowing your going to be in Iraq..I understand your scared.." I feel Zach pull away from the hug to look me in the eyes intensely, "I understand that you are scared Jack, God you only turned 21, 3 months ago..your young, we make mistakes, but this..this isn't a mistake. This is a symbol that you want to prove that you're strong enough, and I know you are. This is a rash decision that you can't change even if you want to. And don't think that Alex, Rian or Kara will walk away, yes they'll be scared but I doubt they'll leave you. Especially Alex..he loves you way to much to drop you now..don't think that you'll have no one left..because you will have all of us to come home to." Zach finishes, and I'm left speechless and in tears. I can't believe that he would leave me, he's like my brother, and brothers don't abandon eachother when they need them the most. Not even friends should abandon eachother even through the rough spots, they need to stay there for help when they feel like they have no one left. And that's how I thought I would end up.

I rub my tear stained cheeks with my hoodie sleeve, smiling at how stupid my thoughts were. Hopefully my mom and Alex take this well like Zach did. I need them, I cannot go on living knowing that my own mother doesn't want to talk to me. I need my mom more than I need my friends and Alex. She didn't question me at all when I told her about me being gay, or when I accidentally crashed the car into our mailbox, and when I came home drunk from a party one night and I passed out in the fridge, I still don't understand how that happend..

"Zach..can we go tell Rian and Kara now? I think they deserve to know jus like you did.." I ask him sheepishly, afraid I'll get scolded. I watch as he nods getting up and I follow him through my door, and through the house to the front door.

"After Rian and Kara let's stop by Alex's okay? He needs to know more than any of us.." He says sternly, I nod knowing I have no talk in this. We're telling him and that's final.

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A/N: okay..So this thought has been floating through my mind..I actually like this because it has a plot and everything!:)..haha well I hope ya like it. PLUS I haven't gave up on No Idea I just have no ideas for the next chapter right now..sowwy:(..