Since I was a little girl I was shown love as something easy, beautiful, with flowers and valentine chocolates, dates and long nights under the starry skies, a once in a lifetime experience... It was something to hope for... Something to wish for with all your strength...
But is it something easy? Is it beautiful? Do you get to have flowers? Do you get to have a valentines?
Does it really happen only once in your life? Or many?
Is it to hope for? To wait for? To search for? Can you only love once?
I remember when I was a little girl and loved fairytales and believed in true love kisses i used to tell mother...
"Hey mommy what is love? Is boyfriend love? Are you in love with daddy mommy?" I remember her sad face and her fake smile as I asked her that.
"Oh baby girl dont rush, you will know when its time"
She would always say. And I thought she didnt take me for shure. But she was right like no one.
When you start to grow up you can see and realize that those pink tales are not all, that no prince its going to come, rescue the princess and with a true loves kiss have a happily ever after... I had to know for myself and alone that love can be beautiful!
But it can also reciprocate and point staightly to the center of your chest, that little place where you keep all your deepest feelings, that little spot that pounds life through all your sweet temple, shoot, and almost if not definetely kill you...
This is what I think, its what my pulverized heart feels... Im so broken I cant love myself even if I try with all my will... I hate myself so much that nobody can imagine. And thats exactly why I dont pretend that someone else comes and love me unconditionally if I dont... If I cant...
Even if I wanted to with all my will...
