To Build A Bridge z.m

Chapter 1

Zayn

He was falling so desperately and he didn't even know it. He didn't realize how many more cigarette breaks he had been taking or how many packs he went through in a span of three days. He didn't realize his drinking had gotten out of hand, didn't even notice that two bottle of Jack Daniels' only got him tipsy, not slightly drunk like it used to. He didn't notice the smile or the boyish charm he once had was slipping away. He was deteriorating, from the inside out. He was so numb, suddenly so lonely since Perrie had ended it. He had lost all will. He knew this, but for some reason, he kept drowning himself. He was starting to like the numb feeling.

Why was that a problem for his mates? He liked the feeling, so why couldn't they just let him be happy? Or what ever this was. Maybe it was bliss, a lifeless feeling he deeply enjoyed because lately all he could feel was pain. All he could see was her face. That beautiful smile, her pretty blue eyes that he used to love gazing into, but now it was all gone. Her presence in his flat had disappeared too. She left him nothing, but the fedora. The one that symbolized how much faith he had in her. She had given it to him before the Olympics and he had wore it that day. In spite of management, saying he shouldn't. He wouldn't perform without it, he couldn't do it. He needed something that would keep him grounded and that was Perrie.

 He wasn't so grounded anymore. She was gone, its been a few months, and he's turned to drugs. Not a lot though, and it was only weed. He only uses it to stop the pain for a little while, then he smokes a cigarette on the balcony that Perrie used to sit at. He'd wake up to see her staring out the window looking at the sunrise. Back then he couldn't understand what was so amazing about it. It was just the sun, but looking at it now, he could see how calming it was. How easy it was to get lost in your thoughts, and some times ease your mind. He soon realized it was another thing that she would do that he had held onto.

He was holding on. Not holding up. Holding on. Holding on to the memories, the smiles, the inside jokes. Holding on to the sweet kisses, their intense moments, small arguments. Holding on to the way her skin felt, the sound of her voice, or how no matter how upset he was she could calm him easily. Zayn was holding onto all of it. Holding on because she was something he never wanted to let go of. A person he never thought would leave, he was supposed to have her forever. He was hers and She was his. That's the only thing that he could count on lately, but even that failed him.

Which is how he met Valerie. In his darkest moments, she was there. Literally. He became so desperate for his drugs, and his dealer was holding out, trying to persuade the broken pop star that this wasn't good for him, she was there.

Flash back

Zayn had been walking about late that night. He knew where he was headed, he knew what he needed to get. So no he wasn't walking aimlessly. He had a plan and that plan needed to be accomplished. He turned a corner next to a grimy bar into a dark hidden alley. He remembered when he first came through here how scared he was. He smiled at the memory, thinking about how worth it was now. He continued strolling, hands in his hoodie pockets, hood on his head, kicking the small pebbles on the ground. He passed by a few people a little older than him, two or three a few years younger. He stopped when he saw his "friend" Derrick, but every one calls him Ricky.

"Ricky, what you got for me?" Zayn asked. Ricky's head picked up and he sent Zayn a frown. See, Ricky didn't like swindling his customers. He knew the kind of people who should be getting mixed up in his business and Zayn wasn't one of them. Normally he wouldn't sell to people who he knew had a lot on the line, he wasn't ruthless, but Zayn had offered a pretty penny for his exclusive needs, Ricky couldn't just turn away from that. So he took his money gave Zayn his product and carried on with his business, now he regretted it. At first Zayn only came every month or so, but now he was coming once a week. Ricky could see the pop star drowning, so he did what he needed to do.

"I've got nothing for you Z. You need some help buddy. You keep going down this path you'll lose everything you've got."

"Everything I had is already gone, Ricky. Those things left when she did, so I just need an escape." Zayn said desperately. He had seen this coming. Last week and the week before Ricky had told him not to come back. Of course he did anyways, but who wouldn't, Zayn was practically addicted.

"You need to cope."

"I need my weed." Zayn spat.

"Get a grip, Z! This isn't good for you. What will your friends think when they find out? What will happen to that band of yours? You gotta think about these things before you go off the edge." Ricky said back. Zayn was about to reply, when a girl came out of the shadows. He couldn't help, but notice how different she was from Perrie. With her darker than black hair that was longer than Perrie's. Her eyes looked black, but it was dark out so he wouldn't actually know, they didn't have any life like Perrie's did. While Perrie had pale skin, hers was tan. Perrie had spunky look about her while this girl looked drained and broken.

"Ricky, he isn't some kind of case that you can try and help. Tell him no and move on." She stated. She looked Zayn up and down while she took a blunt from behind her ear, lit it and took a stoke. Zayn watched her. Watched the way her cheeks hallowed when she sucked it in. Watched the way her eyes shut in sweet bliss, a bliss that he wanted. He watched her step towards him and blow the smoke it his face. Zayn didn't flinch though, he was to mesmerized. The girl only chuckled at his reaction. "What's a pop star like you doing so far from your side of town anyways?"

"I needed a distraction. This is my distraction." Zayn answered dully.

"This isn't a good distraction, my friend, this isn't something you should use for an escape."

"I don't care what you use it for. I need it for my reasons."

"I don't care that you'd pay a lot of money for just a puff. This is my business. My employee is not willing to sale to you, so can you please leave. I'll even give you a free blunt to go." For some reason this girl intrigued Zayn. He'd never been around someone like this before. He'd always been the "bad" one of any of the groups he was in. The one that smokes and was mysterious, but this girl had beaten him at his own game. She was the one that kept a straight face, the one that intimidated him. For some reason he liked it. He liked not knowing. It was new feeling.

 "How about you come with me instead?" Zayn asked, with a cheeky smile. A smile he hadn't used in months. A smile he forgot he had. One that had intrigued the girl or so it seemed. She took another puff before passing it to Ricky.

"What the hell, why not?" She said. Zayn smiled at her as she walked into place beside him. "Besides your not looking for a quick fuck. You just want someone to hold you, pretty boy."