I'll be good
I thought I saw the devil, this morning
Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue,
with the warning to help see myself clearer
I switched off my alarm in my phone resting the phone besides me on the bed as I laid there with my eyes close for a while. I this close to dropping back to sleep when I remembered I have a huge match tonight which will lead to Mania. I sighed and groggily get up, rubbing my eyes. Why must we not get up at our choice time? I shook of the tiredness and headed into the bathroom to wash my face, to help me feel less sleepy. I then looked in the mirror,messing my reflection. It knocked the air out of my lungs because I can swear I'm looking at the devil himself. I can see him in my eyes. Then again I drank myself to sleep last night. This is me? I'm the devil?
I never meant to start a fire
I never meant to make you bleed
I'll be a better man today
I shook myself out of looking the mirror in headed into the shower where all my thoughts came at me. All the things I've done to Brie, seeing her cry in pain that I'd cost. Seeing her being burned in the fire I started. I never meant to do so. There were matches right after I hurt her, she go in and been so distracted she ended up bleeding. Busted up elbow, nose and knees. All because of me. Maybe my reflection is right. I'm the devil. I never mean for her to get hurt. No wonder why she left me. "I'll be better today." I told myself. I don't want to be that guy anyone.
My past have tasted bitter for years now
So I wield and iron fist
Grace is just weakness
Or so I've been told.
I entered the arena, trying to be as pleasant as I can. Those who noticed looking as if they saw a ghost. I ignored them and headed off to my locker room. I didn't want to become who I have became. I never thought I would. I'm a spoiled, egoistical dick, who hurt the only person who loved him enough to burn with him. But I guess after having such a rough past I turned. I was bullied in school, cheated on, manipulated, cast off, let down, lied too......broken.
So I changed. I been to exercise to get stronger which I did. I decided to be the predator not the pry. I wield an iron fist, vowing to never get used again. I heard so many people tell me grace is just weakness and I believed them.
I've been cold
I've been merciless.
Flashback
"Tell me!" I shouted at the quivering Brie who was in tears. She looked at me with such terror in her eyes. "I don't know! I was just looking out for you." Her voice cracked and broken. I laughed bitterly pointing to myself rapidly. "I don't need you looking out for me!" I shouted pinning her roughly to the wall. She nodded, shaking in fear. "You don't get it! THAT WAS OPPORTUNITY TO SHINE AND YOU RUIN IT LIKE A BITCH!" She flinched, closing her eyes. "I just wanted to make sure you were safe. That was danger-dangerous spot." She looked at me with tears streaming down her face but I felt nothing. "I lost my grandpa yesterday. I can't lose you too." That is her pathetic excuse. I tripped in nightie dress tightly. "Screw your grandpa. And screw you. I'm not an weak old man!" Brie gasped as if she was shocked. She looked as if she was looking at the devil. "Maybe your pathetic whining kill him." I let go of her pushing her into the wall. "I just want you to comfort me." She is so strong for not stuttering. I laughed at her. "Comfort yourself. I should have married doe one who has a backbone." I spat at her and walked off.
End of flashback
"I've been a cruel dick to her! She didn't deserve that. I was ice." I told myself getting angry.
But the blood on my hands scares to death
Maybe I'm waking up today.
I looked at my hands remembering all the wrong I've done with them. All the blood that have been on the. I've hurt people for no reason. "You deserve to go a place worse than hell." I remember Nikki telling me once. And I do. Tears began to form in my eyes. What if I do. Hell is just a place fill of torture forever. I begin to think about having no escape for torture and honestly it scares the shit out of me. How couldn't I have not seen this before? It was like I stuck in a nightmare, a nightmare that soon possessed my body. Maybe I'm finally waking up.
