I clung to the wall of the dark stairwell, the shadow of him filling my way, blocking me. "Please. Let me go. I cannot decide anything now." I panted, trying to keep down the panic in my voice. I should have known such a thing would happen. I feared he would keep me his captive this time, and although I was conflicted over the thought, I wanted to be with Raoul. He calmed me and soothed me and made my fears and worries melt away. I needed his comforts.
Yet he stepped aside slowly, yet not before bending his head at my neck, next to my ear. He was so close that as he whispered his lips brushed the skin there. "You must return to me, yet I promise to no longer hunt you. I will wait for you, my love."
His words sent chills up my spines and I slowly made my way up the dark stairs, into the dusky light that was settling in for the long winter night.. As soon as I knew he wasn't following me, I ran to the entrance, picking my way over broken glass and shattered stone, my feet clattering loudly in the frosted air.
The driver whom had agreed to meet me back here in an hour or so was parked nearby, and saw me running from the opera house. He looked shocked, and quickly drove the carriage nearer. He helped me inside, expressing his concerns for me in mutters. I denied them, fumbling with my long cloak and skirts to pile myself into the warmer carriage. "Just go back." I told him. "Go back to the Viscount."
A while later, I was curled next to a blazing fire, bringing myself as near as I dared. The maid had made me some hot tea and begged me to eat a little dinner, for Raoul had gone for some final arrangements. I sipped at the tea, ignoring the now cold plate upon the little table next to me. I drew the quilt I had dragged from the bedroom to the sitting room closely around me. It had been a couple of hours since I had returned...yet I could not keep the chill off my skin. I was cold to my very bones and I knew no amount of blankets or fire could warm me. I sat and stared into the fire, deep in thoughts I could no longer keep at bay.
The fact of it was I was still in love with him. I could not run from it, no matter what country I was in. As I stared into the fire, I thought of what he had done to the place both he and I had called home and wondered how I could still feel anything for such a man. I also thought of the dance that had taken place before the disaster...how he had caressed me upon the stage, how I had been so wrapped in it all I had nealry just fallen into his arms instead of revealing his deformity to the world in a vain attmpt to save us all. What would have happened if I had not? If I had truly benn past the point of no return and was swpt away by him, would I have gone willingly? I knew though that I would be devestated at losing Raoul...and I had come too close to that once.
Yet I had seen something of Raoul I had never known before. He had spoken to me so harshly today, as if my thoughts were a sin against him. It was as if he thought I didn't love him. It was simply appaling of him to be so forecful to me...like he was trying to shake me into his control. I didn't like it...it frightened me. True, the Phantom had always tried to win me over, but he didn't try to control me...Raoul acted as if he would at all costs.
I was about to nod to sleep when I heard the front door of the apartment quietly creak open. I shut my eyes tight, a sudden panic seizing me. I pretended to sleep as I heard step cross into the room. I was leaned against a sofa, wrapped in the quilt when I felt someone sit behind me and a masculine hand run over my shoulder. "Christine, I'm home. Wouldn't you like to go to bed now?"
I rolled over and looked up at him drowsily. In the glow of the dying fire, his hair shone gold and his dark eyes reflected embers. He smiled at me gently, and stroked stray hair out of my face. "You're so beautiful...I am lucky to have such a fiance." He murmered as he smiled.
"Raoul, I..." I wanted to tell him what I had found today, but he hushed me. His face became suddenly grave.
"Hush my darling. Just answer me this: did you see him?" He asked.
"Yes." I answered, biting my lip. "I went to collect the picture of my father and...he was there."
Raoul heaved a sigh, angrily, but not at me. "If I had only just run him through in the graveyard. Why did you stop me?" He grasped my hand. "Wouldn't it be better if he were dead, Christine? Our worries would end! We could be happy! None of these tradgedies would have happened."
"But Raoul...I..." I looked away from him , feeling my throat swell with emotion. "I love him"
Raoul sat back, appaled. "What?"
"I love him. Yet I love you! I love you so much Raoul...you are my sun! You keep me afloat, you saved me! Yet somehow, I realized today why I can never tear myself away...I love him!" I cried, feeling the tears run down my face. "Please Raoul, you must understand! It is like trying to stop loving your brother or mother...yet it runs deeper than that. We share this bond...of words sang, not spoken. Please, understand!"
He looked at me, yet did not see me. His eyes were cold. "Well, love or not, I am to marry you, and I will not have my wife pining over this...monster. We leave for London in a few days. By then I expect you to forget him, whatever it takes. If I have to kill him, I will have it done. I cannot have my lovely wife caught by that...thing!" He got up, disgusted. "I am going to my apartments, and to bed. Goodnight."
He walked out, leaving me cold and empty as tears streamed wetly onto my chilled skin. How could he do this? He was my hero, yet here he was, turning this attitude upon me, reminding me of the life or death showdown I had saved us both from in the belly of the dungeons. I rose slowly and dragged the blanket around me like a cloak as I shut myself in my room. I lay on my bed and let sleep take over my exhasted mind. I wanted nothing more at the moment than to forget them both.
Yet my dreams haunted me. I heard their voices as I walked to my father's grave. They mingled together, the words falling around me like snow, the emotions rising and falling from devoted love to anger. I fell to my knees at the snowy steps of the large Daae family crypt. "Father...help me! Help me, I do not know where to turn! What is one to do when she loves them both! I...love them both!" I cried to the cold stone, above the howling winds and voice. The voice silenced and I was left in darkness.
I sat up straight in bed, the covering askew and my hair tumbling over my shoulder. I shivered, chilled in my thin shift. I put my hand to my mouth, my eyes widening as I faced the stark realization: I love them both.
