Somebodies

Chapter Three

I had to make the hard choice. The thing about choices is that the effect that they'll have is unknown when the decision is made. I had to decide whether or not to leave everything and everyone I had ever known. I had perfectly fine reasons to go, but only one reason to stay. Because there was, in fact, one person who would notice I was gone and it just had to be the one person that didn't care what I did or when I did it. He doesn't care about me, but he cares about himself in the highest sense, and since this matter involved him, he would notice. Ever since Finn left, I've felt like a part of me has been ripped out. Maybe it's a twin bond or something, or maybe it's just the reality of the fact that now I'm truly alone. Maybe being alone is a physical thing, or maybe it's mental. I couldn't live like this, with only my thoughts to keep to me company.
Sure, my father would notice I was gone, but he wouldn't know where to look; he wouldn't know where I went. Then again, he would look for me and discover that Finn's gone as well. I could jeopardize Finn just so I could escape. Am I really that selfish? But am I stupid enough to stay and let myself get beaten every night for no reason? What kind of person did I want to be? Selfless and stupid, or smart and selfish?
Finn was probably in Ceina by now. My father would look their for us first, but I think Natasha knows how he is. Even so, he would ask for me, not Finn. I'm not going there, wherever I go. But maybe my father would know that. Maybe he would know I know and not check there. Now I'm just messing with myself. I've already made up my mind. I'm going to the Outside.
***
I glance at the door, take a deep breath, and hesitate my hand over the knob. Then I get hit in the face by the door. The person who hit me doesn't even say sorry, instead they just blow past me and slam into my shoulder. Sometimes being a nobody really does suck. I look around the shop, bare and empty, being able to close down at a single movement, and yet this musty smelling shop feels like home to me. It reminds me of my mom, the kind of happy, cheerful person that could lift you up no matter how sad you were feeling. And because I always had someone to guide me away form darkness, once she died, I became depressed, and I shut Levi out after that. He reminded of my mom, as he was her best friend, and I didn't want to be cared about anymore; I felt useless. Without my mom there to pull me off that road, I, if anything, embraced it; I pushed people away while residing in a cavern of self-pity. But now I was back here, in this place that reminded my so much of her, and I just wanted to walk back out the door again.
Was I really ready for this? I know I should have been, it had been seven years after all. I was broken and there was no one to fix me. I needed to do this, if I wanted to leave KaCaldo, I had to see Levi. This wasn't because of my mom, it was because he was the only one who knew how to get out of this place, after all, he was born on the Outside.