If Only

Part 1: Loving

     Six months ago, I was Jason Cordova, one of my senior high's top athletes.  I played varsity on four different sports teams — football, basketball, soccer, and aquatics — and I was well on my way to earning a football scholarship.

     They say that hardly anyone that aspires to be an athlete actually ends up living the dream.  But me?  I was prepared to make sacrifices, to stop at nothing to achieve my goal of becoming an internationally-renowned football player, a household name.

     Aside from that, I was a decent student.  Average, you could say.  But the thing about me that set me far above the average teenage boy was the fact that I was dating the most amazing girl in school.  Emma Cartier was the smartest, most beautiful, most incredible girl I'd ever met.  She was my better half, and I wholly believed that one day, we would get married, settle down, and start a family.  We'd be well-off, because I would be the star player of our city's very own football team.

     Not anymore.

     The end of the school year was approaching, and that meant the start of sun-tanning, late-night swims, and, of course, parties.  The seniors would enjoy one final get-together before parting ways, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.  This, I knew with absolute certainty, that even if I could have foreseen or even had an inkling of what would happen later that night, I still wouldn't have missed the opportunity to be with all of my friends as a group, a family, one last time.

     10:23.  I remember the time because I was sitting on Emma's bed, staring at the digital clock on her nightstand while she was in her walk-in closet, changing into one of her short summer skirts.  I vaguely remember the tune of whatever old indie song she was humming.

     "How do I look?"

     I glanced away from the bright green numbers in time to see Emma twirl in place, her long ash-brown hair and the edges of her floral print skirt fanning out around her.  I walked over and pulled her into my arms.

     "Beautiful," I murmured into her neck, breathing in the smell of her light, fruity perfume.  She smiled in that way that only she could, with one visible dimple in her right cheek and her eyes like blue stars, and we stood there in the middle of her room, swaying to an imaginary song that only the two of us could hear.

     Looking back, I wish we could have stayed in that moment longer, wish I would have said more, told her just how amazing she looked.

     Told her how much I loved her.

     But I didn't, and at 10:41 we untangled ourselves from one another and I drove us both to Isaac's house.