BANE

CHAPTER NINE - BREACH (Part 1)

Holden was still reeling from the new information when he arrived home. A quick check around the apartment confirmed that Layla had already left for work, and Corbin was still fast asleep. He took a few minutes to process Gordan's revelation earlier that morning. Gordan had made a deal in order to help Layla, but Holden was not sure how. On the other hand, Holden's deal was only to help himself; the more he thought about the deeper his guilt. On top of the events of the morning, he was still struggling to come to terms with the fact that he was trapped in his contract with Lorelei and even death could not free him. It was clear now that Gordan was Lorelei's leak when it came to research information, so then what did she want with Holden? He regretted ever meeting her.

Holden crawled into bed and kissed Corbin's shoulder. "I'm really sorry."

Corbin rubbed the sleep from his eyes with the palm of his hand. "Sorry? What for?"

"I can't say exactly, but everything. I know I've caused you a lot of trouble since I arrived, and I haven't been treating you well."

"Where's this coming from? Did something happen at work again?" Corbin turned over onto his left side to look at his boyfriend.

"Not exactly... I've been thinking about a lot of things this week; I wonder if you would have been better off without me ever coming around."

"I've already told you that's not true. What's going on?"

"When did you start trusting me?"

"I'm not sure," The question caught Corbin off guard. "Why does it matter?"

"Did you trust me the first time we had sex?"

"I—well, I didn't expect you to bite me."

"That's not what I asked," Holden shook his head against the pillow. "So, you didn't trust me then, but it started sometime after?"

"What are you getting at?"

Holden sighed. "Maybe I have messed with your head somehow..."

"Will you stop, already? Are you so unhappy with me that that you'd try this hard to find a reason to end it?" Corbin sat up suddenly and folded his arms on top of his bent knees. "I know there were other reasons, and I shouldn't take it personally, but..."

"But?"

"You almost killed yourself, Holden... and I'm having a hard time dealing with that. I'm worried about you, and it feels like there's nothing I can do to help. I tried telling you I loved you and you refused to listen... Am I personally making your life miserable, or just adding to it?"

"I'm not unhappy because of you, you're one of the good things I've got in my life right now."

"Then why don't I believe you?"

"Because I'm an asshole that doesn't show it," Holden sat up as well and raked his fingers through his scruffy blond hair. "I'm in a lot of new territory here... I'm sorry."

"What's bothering you so much?"

Holden stared up at the ceiling to avoid eye contact. "I've made a big mistake. The sooner I figure out what is wrong with me the sooner I can try to fix it."

"What did you do, cheat on me?" Corbin teased in an effort to lighten the mood.

"Never. It's something worse."

"Can you tell me?"

"No," Holden shook his head. "I want to, I've tried to... but I can't. Not yet. I'm so sorry... I know how hard you're trying to help me. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it is working. I'll try harder too, so you can worry less." He leaned over and gently kissed Corbin.