Charlotte is a first year at the prestigious Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts in London. Little does she know that inside these old walls not only her love for acting will grow.
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The interview flew by as Simon clearly came prepared. We covered everything from my childhood, my education at RADA, my role as Stephanie, the film, to what it is like to work with Scorsese, the master himself, in record time. Just taking a short break to adjust the light and checking back on the sound.
"Back to our guest Charlotte Williams. The young actress, that straight out of the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts landed the lead role of Stephanie in Martin Scorsese's new masterpiece Oblivion. And with this a nomination as best actress for this years Bafta Awards". Simon's summary is an odd experience. I feel like he is talking about someone else. This clearly hasn't sunk in yet.
"How are you dealing with the fame and the sudden interest in your person?"
"I don't, I suppose" I smile. "I was once told it is like going to a fancy dress party and everyone looks incredible and there are crazy things hanging from the ceiling. For about five hours or so, you enter into another world and then, when you come out of it, you are sitting at home with your cup of tea and a biscuit and you're thinking to yourself, "Well, that was weird. Fun, but weird". That's exactly what it feels like. I didn't believe it back then, but I guess I learned my lesson". The words have just left my mouth, when it hits me.
"Was this a famous ex boyfriend that shared this insight?" he smirks at me.
Just when I thought I dodged the subject, I stepped right in it. Fuck. Simon is raising his eyebrows, thankful for this little slip up. He takes a paper from the back of his pile and clears his throat.
"To clear this up for our readers. In the past you have been linked to Tom Hiddleston. The two of you have been in a relationship for about a year. Is this correct?". I frown on the inside.
"Correct. I would say our relationship has been well documented. I don't think there is anything I can add" I say in a polite but resolute tone.
"You decided to go your separate ways two years ago?". He is clearly not going to drop that subject anytime soon.
"Also correct and a matter of public record, so to speak." I say, awaiting his next move.
"How do you explain that this topic still sends social media in a meltdown. That people still come up with all sorts of theories as to why you broke up?". I force myself to take a few deep breaths, forming an answer in my head first.
"I understand the curiosity. But I would like people to understand that I am a very private person. We both are. This is purely between us. And I would not comment on it at all, if there weren't these persistent rumors flying around. People seem to be more and more drawn to the dramatic and extreme. I am sorry to disappoint, but there has never been any aggression, cheating, envy, jealousy or hatred.
"It's actually very ordinary. Whenever you fall for someone, you feel like this person is a godsend. Someone that inspires and mesmerizes you. Someone that becomes a crucial part during a phase of your life. As you evolve as a person, you change. Things change. And at some point life can get in the way. Even if this person might be perfect for you. It's the wrong place at the wrong time, I suppose. Not the romantic and melodramatic stuff that books are written about, I know, but that's just how it is". I tap myself on the shoulder and hope Simon got the subtle hint to change the subject.
"Do you still keep in touch?". He clearly didn't get it. I growl at myself.
"We are still friends" I say quickly. Hoping to put an end to this conversation.
To be honest there is not a single day, he doesn't cross my mind. Experiencing things that strongly remind me of him. So many things happening, I would love to tell him about. Asking for his advice.
More than one time my finger hovered over the call button. My subconscious talking some sense into me, the last second. "We are still friends" I repeat my words in my head. I might fool the whole world with my statement, but I can't fool myself.
Yes, we are still in touch from time to time. But this whole staying friends thing is just a nice little lie people tell themselves, to ease the pain. Total bollocks in my eyes. The intimacy, the feelings, the pain will always linger, making it impossible to move back onto neutral ground.
So after some time of total silence, our conversations now cover the mandatory "happy birthday" here, or "congrats on the role" there. We could as well just hit the like button on Facebook. We haven't spoken in a year. The only time I heard his voice was through one of his interviews or films. Or in my memory, when I am drawn back to the moments we spent together.
"Thank you, Charlotte. I think we got all we need" Simon rips me out my thoughts. I shake his hand and thank the crew for their work.
I feel agitated when I leave the hotel. Waving at a cab, while I put my earphones in. I provide the driver with the address, let myself drop into the soft seat and hit play.
"If I could reach the stars. Pull one down for you. Shine it on my heart. So you could see the truth: That this love I have inside, is everything it seems. But for now I find it's only in my dreams. And I can change the world, I will be the sunlight in your universe. You would think my love was really something good. Baby if I could chance the world"
Clapton's soulful voice and the bittersweet lyrics hit me full on. I begin to sob. This is all too much. Tears flowing down my face. As much as I want to keep my composure, I can't keep this mental breakdown from happening.
"Here Miss" the driver gives me a soft smile and hands me a handkerchief.
"Thank you so much. I am so sorry" I sob and grab it. Trying to save whatever mascara is left.
"No need to apologize, Miss. We all had these kind of days".
