Cattleya

Chapter 16

Maia's point of view

    Saddest thing about not having any love experience is dealing with yourself through out all the battles you have been faced with.
You just feel lonely and don't know how to control it . Even if you are the strongest person inside , loneliness destroys you , creating moments and thoughts of depression. Its funny that before all of this happened I always said to myself that Iam better than to fall hard for a person and thrn feel like I cant breathe when they are gone . I always said that depression is a sign of weakeness a weakeness that WILL never bring me down.
You can have all the friends you want but it will never be the same . People around can say they care about you , but you don't care , because is not the love you want and have been looking for .
You can be the nicest person and you will always ask yourself "why the fuck are you still single ?". You can be the most beautiful girl in your whole grade , even in your whole fucking school and you wouldn't see it that way .
What you feel is not desperation , is the fact that you want someone to hold your heart , you want someone to knock you of the ground . You want someone that can make you feel like home.
I just want someone to save my life from where I am dragging it to . I want someone to lift up the world when I feel it crashing down . I want someone to heal my wounds and love every scar that I have .
I want someone to believe in me the way I believe in myself .
I want someone to catch me when I am falling . I need someone who can make me see the beauty in the little things in life , and who can make me see the truths in all the lies I've told myself.
I want someone who can see through me and never let me go . I want someone who can make me feel as beautiful on the outside as I feel in the inside.
I want someone who can see the good in me . Someone who can kiss me at night and tell me everything is going to be alright.
Someone I can tell my  feelings to . Someone who I can tell everything about me from the beginning to end and never get tired of my story as I won't of theirs.
Someone who loves everything about me and sees every detail as a work of art. Someone who won't get tired of being with me another day but with the excitement of a brighter day ,than the one from yesterday .
Someone who I can breathe the same air and not feel suffocated with . Someone who I can trust with everything and I know wouldn't be cheating with mind , heart, and body with someone else. Someone who I can still see that sparkle in the eyes after 60 years and still have that passion inside. I want something greater than what's parents have.
But Iam just scared I'll live by myself forever and not ever feel love again. It's the negative thoughts that surround me everyday . I wish that for once I was surrounded myself with a happiness and with positivity.

I want to keep loving because I won't ever give up on TRUE LOVE .