INTRICATE - Brian Quinn.

1

"So have you spoken to him lately?" my mom's voice trailed down the phone, causing me to sigh at the mention of him.

"Nope, nothing more than the usual" I huffed. "But that's just the norm now, I guess."

I looked over at the small child sleeping peacefully in his bassinet, feeling a slight twinge of sadness rush over me at the thought of him missing out on seeing his father. It had been just over 6 months since James was born, and Brian had only seen him around five times. During my pregnancy, things became more than tough, especially on the terms of my relationship with Q. He became a lot more busy with his job, so much that some days we'd barely speak one full sentence to one another. And during a time like being pregnant with your first child, you would expect at least a little more support. I didn't necessarily blame him, because that was his life. It was just hard to accept that both of our lives had to be heading in completely different directions at a time where we were going to be bound together by becoming parents. Instead of getting closer, we started to drift apart. Luckily, our break up was never on the worst of terms, although that didn't seem to help matters so much, considering there was always an empty feeling, perhaps an incomplete one- Like I had my little family right there in front of me, to have it disappear before it even began.

"Not even to check up on little J?" She questioned.

"Well, yeah, he does that. A few texts here and there, But.."

"It's not the same as him physically being there, I know. I've been there, honey. When your father used to work away, I used to get so incredibly lonely."

"It's not really about me missing him, though. I guess I just feel guilty. I don't want James to grow up not knowing who is father is, you know?"

"Oh, don't say that. He'll always know."

"Will he, though?"

"Jess, if you're that worried about it, I think it's about time that you spoke to him. Like really spoke to him. No more of the small talk that you've had since the break up. Being honest is the only step to making things get better."

She was right, I had to tell him about how I felt. I just didn't know how to. He wasn't my boyfriend anymore, so it was hard to know if he'd even listen to me if I were to tell him what to do- or at least suggest what to do. But hopefully he would for his sons sake.

"I guess. Well, I should probably try and call him, see if he picks up" I sighed, not looking forward to what was to come in that phone call.

"Okay, let me know how it goes. I love you"

"Love you too." I said, putting the phone down.

I was glad that I had my mother back in my life again, after the reality of my pregnancy kicked in, we decided to put our differences behind us, especially when Q and I broke up, she was my main support system, helping me out with the baby even on days where I just didnt want to get out of bed. The truth is, I missed Brian terribly. We never broke up because we fell out of love, we broke up because the relationship didn't have the time for investment. And I was almost certain that that's what made it so hard for me to talk to him. Because I didn't know how to talk to him without feeling that painful sinking feeling in my chest. I couldn't even begin to try to just be his friend. It was always so hard for me to understand what you do with the love for someone that you can no longer express it to. Where does it go? Because it sure as hell didn't just easily go away.

Scrolling through my contacts, stopping on his name, I hovered my thumb above the screen, mustering up the courage to click the call button. James slowly babbled in his sleep, causing me to look up at the tiny human snoozing away, when the courage finally came to me. This was about him - not my feelings. James deserved to have him in his life more, and it wouldn't hurt me to at least try.

Holding the phone up to my ear, I listened as the call got picked up.

"Hello?" The familiar voice echoed through the line. My mouth instantly went dry, not realizing that I hadn't thought through what I even wanted to say.

"Hi." Was all I could manage to say.

"What's up, is everything okay?" He asked, sounding almost concerned. Probably just confused as to why I was calling him randomly, after so long of a few worded texts.

"Everything is fine" I smiled small. "I just.. I, uh.."

"You sure? You don't sound too good"

"I'm sure. I'm just trying to figure out how to word this. Are you busy?" I asked.

"I was just heading into work, why?"

"Oh..then never mind"

"No, tell me." He replied, sounding like he genuinely had interest in what I was going to say.

"Just, when are you free next? I would really like to talk to you. About James"

"Actually, I was headed out to L.A. for comic con, I was gonna hit you with a text to see if you wanted to take J? I saw a batman suit that would fit him, so at this point it would be wrong if we didn't"

I chuckled down the receiver, feeling the warmth inside me listening to him ramble on about his nerd things once again, but more about the fact that he obviously thinks about J more than I thought. Maybe I should have thought about it from both sides of the story. He had to work, his contract says so. There was also three thousand miles between us. Maybe it was just as hard on him as it was on me?

"Uhm, sure. I guess that would be nice." I smiled once more, not wanting to sound too happy about hanging out with my ex boyfriend, even though the thought of spending time with him made me feel more uplifted.

"I have to go, but I'll call you tomorrow when I get to L.A.. Kiss J for me." He said, receiving a goodbye from me also. He seemed rather upbeat today, which made me feel a little more comfortable. However also made me feel a little down that he was pretty obviously getting on so well in life while I had to struggle on my own. I just hoped that expressing my feelings wouldn't end in more distance..