INTRICATE - Brian Quinn.

15

After spending the day at home, and Q carrying a tired James from the car straight to his bedroom, I lingered in the kitchen not knowing what to do with myself. I knew that once James was in bed, Q would return and most likely want to stick around for a little while considering he knew very little people in L.A, and the thought of being left alone with him once again made me feel extremely nervous in that moment.

"He was out like a light" Q chuckled as he walked through the door.

"Whenever you're around he refuses to nap, that's why. You're an awful influence"

"So he'll sleep through the night then. See how my presence is actually helping you?" He said, causing me to giggle at his smugness. "In more ways than one, too" he added.

"And in what other ways has your existence made my life so much easier, hmm?" I questioned.

"Well our child will sleep through the night. You haven't had to deal with a certain douchebag, and you've been smiling a lot more since you had an orgasm for the first time in 6 months. So.. you're welcome" he winked, causing me to hit his arm in response.

"You shouldn't be proud of that!" I scoffed. Suddenly his face which was brimming with laughter and jokes before soon took a miserable twist.

"Yeah.." He answered quietly, before walking into the living area, me following closely behind. As he sat down on the couch, slowly looking up at me walking to the couch opposite of him, he sighed deeply. Something he always seemed to do when discussing his relationship. "Do you ever feel like you're doing something, but for the completely wrong reason?" He asked.

"Sometimes. Depends what you mean by that question though"

"Just.. You and Tyler. Have you always been like that or is the way he is with you a more recent thing?"

"I guess he wasn't as bad at first, but he definitely seems to he getting a lot more aggressive in the way he speaks to me lately. Maybe he's just comfortable now, I don't know."

"So you were actually happy when you came across this dude, like you really thought that there could be something there?"

"Well yeah, I guess so. I don't think I'd have let someone be brought into James' life if I didn't have any intention of being in a relationship with them long term. Why do you ask?"

"Nah, no reason." He said as he looked away.

"Well obviously there's a reason otherwise you wouldn't have asked such a question." I stated.

"There was. But you'll probably just think I'm being stupid though"

"Well I won't know until you tell me." I smiled, seeing him decide in his head whether to change the topic of the conversation or whether to just be honest for once, before letting out a huge sigh.

"I just feel like we're both doing that." He announced.

"Doing what?" I asked.

"Passing time, perhaps? I'm not sure."

"You're losing me" I said. Not entirely lost, but I still wanted him to explain further. I wanted to hear what he was really thinking, not just the watered down version of the truth.

"I don't have any intention of having a long term relationship with Nicole." He answered.

"So she's just a fling, nothing wrong with that"

"It's not just a fling. At least not to her. I guess I kinda forced myself into a relationship that I didn't want to be in in order to get over the non existent one that seemed to be taking over my brain in the first place."

"Oh.." I replied.

"I know you probably think that I'm a dick, but I also know that you're probably the only one that I can talk to about this because you're the only one that understands how this is."

"I do?"

"Well where's Tyler at this moment in time?" I shrugged. "And who have you been with every night instead of him?"

"You.." I said, realizing I did understand him after all. We had both been boycotting our actual relationships in order to cling onto that of an old one.

"I could be wrong here, but I think there's a big chance that I'm not. You and I are in the same boat. I've seen the way he talks to you, I see the way your mood lifts when he just leaves even a room sometimes. You're passing time just as much as I am, for the exact same reason."

"You're not wrong" his eyes lifted in spirit instantly, before moving closer to me. "But that doesn't mean that what we're doing isn't. You have a girlfriend. And I have a boyfriend. Do you ever just take a moment to realize that our relationship only seems to heat up or work out whenever we're lying to someone we care about or are sneaking around?"

"I don't care about her. I'm here for you. I just want you."

"I just.. Think you should leave"

"Why is it so hard for you to let your guard down with me?"

"Because it hurts. Whether I'm with you or not. Sometimes I just wish that I had never laid eyes on you.. Everything would be so much easier right now"

"We were good together. You were the one that decided that it was too hard all of a sudden"

Is he serious? Multiple times he had told me that he understood my reason for not being with him, and yet every time we argued he seemed to throw it back in my face.

"And I'm telling you, it still is hard. I begin to get over you, and start new with my life, and you show up for what was meant to be just one tiny day, and screw up every ounce of progress that I had made. You do not get to do that to me, Brian. Not again"

"You make it all out to be my fault, yet you put into it just as much as I do."

"Just leave" I said, walking towards the door, hoping he'd catch a hint. "Not just my apartment, but LA. You have no reason to be here longer than what you had originally planned, so why stay?"

As he walked out of the door, he stopped and turned around, exhaling before coming to a halt, as if he was going to say something and then changed his mind. Without another word, he had started to walk away.

I know I had come down on him too hard, and I knew that I shouldn't have gotten angry at him for just telling the truth. But I couldn't let him get his way every time that he was in L.A., for him to increase my feelings for him dramatically in such a short time frame, when I knew that he would go straight back to his 'distraction' when he got back to New York. I needed her out of the picture before I could even contemplate being completely honest with him about how I feel. I just wish I had the nerve to tell him that.

---- just a short fill in chapter! I have plans for the next few. I've just been SO SO busy lately, I didn't want anyone to think that I had lost interest or forgot to update! I've been jotting down ideas all week, big plans ahead ;-) thanks for reading and commenting xx