Confessions

Chapter Seventeen

     Fuck. He wanted me go go back there. He wanted me to go back and meet him there. He wanted to see me. Did I want to see him?
     No! Of course I didn't. I could never. I couldn't do this to Cayla. Ever. What had I gotten myself into? My decision was already made. Of course I wasn't going there.
     Wait...what if he just wanted to talk, you know, to set things straight and clarify that this had to stop, Oh who am I kidding. As much as I hated myself for admitting this, neither of us wanted that to stop. Who would? It was perfect... almost like we were meant to be. No! Cayla, my fucking best friend in the whole wide fucked up world, was dating Henry. Henry, the most perfect guy in... No!
     I darted outside with my bag flopping behind me. I was fretting the bus ride home with Cayla. As I waited for my ride, three things happened at once. I turned to see Cayla leaving the building and heading my direction. Then I spun back around to see the bus coming around the bend. Finally, I saw Joe's car door open as he slid in. A plan formed in my mind. Instantly, I ran the opposite direction as my friend. I knocked on Joseph's window and mouthed 'Can I get a ride?'. After receiving his nod I hopped in and he exited the parking lot. Awkward conversation avoided. Phew. I prided myself on my quick thinking.
     "So..." Joe interrupted my thoughts. Crap! I didn't avoid and awkward ride home, I just exchanged it for a different one!
     "So..." I replied. Shit, what do I say.
     "There's that dance." Joe blurted.
     "Huh?" I questioned. The way he said that made him sound mentally insane. He was obviously nervous... Wait, I made Joseph nervous. Joseph as in the captain of the track and basketball team and the most popular guy in our school nervous. No way...
     "Oh, yeah. It's a senior only thing..."
     "Oh." Why is he even bringing it up then?
     "But we can invite anyone we like..." where was he going with this...? "I'm sorry." We fell to a stop moments later.
     "Well, um, bye. Thanks for the ride."
     "No prob. Wait a second." I exited the car and he followed. Right in front of my house Joe and I stood eye to eye.
     "Sarah. Would you like to go to the senior formal dance with me?" Shit. What do I say...
     "Yes." No! Say no! "Yes. I'd love too." That was it. Cayla finally figured out mind control. That was the only logical reason that I would say yes. Or you just like Joseph... The thought danced across my head but I immediately forced myself to forget it.

     I'm not sure how I did it, but I managed to convince myself that Henry only wanted to meet me later for the purpose of apologizing and setting things straight between us. Of course he didn't, but I had my mind set on that 'logical' explanation.
     I showed at the oak tree a minute after the said time. Henry wasn't there and I thought he had ditched at first, but then I heard a faint 'Sarah.' I looked up and saw Henry's amazing eyes gazing down at me.
     "Don't tell me you're gonna make me
go up there." He simply nodded. "Nope. Not a chance." After a silent argument in which we stared at each other for minutes until the othe gave in, I was climbing the branches and knots that formed a pathway to the topmost yet sturdiest branch. I sighed, I knew the way only too well.
     We didn't say much when we were both settled comfortably on our branch. There was no need, we purely enjoyed gazing at the sky in between the leaves in each others company. We had always had a simple relationship.
     "Do you ever think..." Henry trailed off.
     "Ever think what?" I persisted.
     "What it would've been like if we hadn't broken up." I thought for a moment.
     "Would you still have left?" I answered a question with a question.
     "Probably," minutes of silence passed. "but I would've taken you with me."
     The topic never reached 'clearing the air'. I kept reminding myself to bring it up, but eventually forgot altogether.
     I'm not sure how it happened, but eventually, we were lip locked. We worked as one. The kiss intensified with the second. There we were, kissing in a tree. My body pressed into Henry's. My fingers caressed his short hair while his danced from my back to my waist and up again. , felt that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I felt something else too. I felt a bulge touching my thigh where it rested near Henry's, well... Thoughts of Henry were endlessly interrupted by thoughts like 'Is this how Cayla feels when...'
     Later that night we were still lying on the branch. We were silent when Henry said,
     "I'm sorry, I know I said your name. I just... I let it slip. I didn't mean to complicate things with you and Cayla. I thought for a moment before replying.
     "It's okay. I did it too..." we left it at that.
     "Sarah?"
     "Yeah?"
     "I missed you..."
     And for a moment, as we laid there, startling at the starry sky, I completely forgave him for last summer...