"Juan?!" Cuntor exclaimed.
"Shut the fuck up." he responded.
"Juan, what the hell are you doing?" Cuntor asked quietly, his facial expression quickly deteriorating.
"My job." Juan responded.
Cuntor realized at this it wasn't the same Juan he knew, but rather, a sleeper agent programmed by Trump. He lost Juan.
"What are you gonna do to me?" Cuntor asked nervously.
"You'll see." Juan responded with the same grin from earlier.
Cuntor knew he was literally fucked at this point. He had only one option: notify the others. He started rocking his chair back and forth in the hopes the chair would fall over. Juan noticed and tried stopping him. Juan ended up losing his balance in the tackle, tripping and hitting the floor loud enough that everyone in the house could hear.
Mixed reactions could be heard outside the door. K80 knocked on the door.
"Cuntor? Are you alright?" K80 asked.
"Jesus fuck Cuntor stop masturbating so loud I can hear you in the oven." AGay shouted, her and Kianal cackling.
"Would explain the locked door." AIDSan said.
"FUCKING HELP ME YOU GODDAMN RAISINS." Cuntor yelled.
Juan was in deep shit. He yeet himself out the window and into the Canadian forest faster than SANIC. The squad finally rammed the door down.
"I'M RESPECTING YOUR PRIVACY BY KNOCKING BUT ASSERTING MY AUTHORITY AS A PARENT BY COMING IN ANYWAY!" the group said in unison.
"Whoa Cuntor, I've known you since the 5th grade, but I didn't know you were into this kinky ass shit." Chile said seeing the rat sweating his ass off in the wooden chair.
"Untie me please. Please I'm begging you." Cuntor pleaded.
"Okay I guess." Kianal sighed as she untied Cuntor from what she thought was his sex chair.
"Thanks - but guys, WE'RE FUCKED." Cuntor yelled.
"Pray we don't get fucked like Cuntor did." Kianal slyly said.
"No, you don't understand. Juan came back. He's a fucking sleeper agent."
"The hell do you mean Cuntor!?" K80 exclaimed.
"It means Trump is starting his invasion. I don't know what Juan wants with is. All I know is we are not safe. We have two options: leave, or defend ourselves." Cuntor said.
"That is some spooky shit right there if I do say so myself." Kianal said.
"Kianal. Serious, we need a game plan." AIDSan said, thinking to himself for a moment.
"I know: Cuntor and Kianal, you're on the technology shit. Track Juan down. Me and Chile will be on the lookout for him. K80, Stace, and AGay, you guys better start learning how to use weapons, you're on defense, understood?" he said.
"Yes." the group said in unison.
"Okay, start working."
============================
"Who let Kim Jong-Un be in charge?" Kianal said as she started preparing her high tech gear, which was just a laptop and USB cord.
"Eh, it's whatever." Cuntor said.
Cuntor was about to send a clever tweet he thought of while he was taken hostage when he received a text.
"Don't worry Cuntor, I'll be back to finish what I started. See you soon." the message read.
The duo started working away while talking shit about everyone else in order to track this fucker down. They worked for 12 hours until they found what they were looking for.
"And in a moment, I should have his coordinates." Kianal said.
That's when the whole computer malfunctioned.
"What the fuck?" Kianal said as a picture of a teapot appeared with the words "Sexual Teapot" scrawled across your bottom of it. Cuntor and Kianal screamed harder than a teenage guy's erect dick.
============================
"AIDSan what do you think the point of life is?" Chile asked.
"For you to kill yourself because you're annoying the fuck out of me." he answered.
Chile and AIDSan were on lookout duty. Chile was asking these mind bending unsolvable questions for 6 hours and AIDSan wanted to commit a suicide.
"Am I rustling your jimmies?" Chile asked.
"Does Paula Deen hate colored people, have diabetes, and masturbate with butter?"
"Point taken."
Chile and AIDSan were suffering. Their eyes were crustier than a yeast infested vagina.
"Fuck this." AIDSan said, ragequitting like every Call of Duty player ever.
"Time to do a Robin Williams." Chile said, falling asleep faster than person on roofies.
============================
"Can we make this dildo shoot toxic cum?" K80 asked sorting out her large collection of future dildo weapons.
"I'm making that one like a tazer you unintelligent toaster oven." AGay replied.
"Fine."
Stace was getting stressed out by these two lesbeans. She was afraid this was gonna turn into a lesbean orgy. Stace was a good Christain child, she didn't need a double decker pussy sandwich from AGay and K80.
"Can everyone just shut the hell their mouths. You're giving me a fucking migraine." Stace snapped.
"Then take a fucking aspirin ya twat bag." K80 snapped back.
"You wanna fucking go?"
"Swing first bitch."
"I'm gonna get Marshie."
They started fighting. K80 used her inner Hulk Hogan and body slammed Stace. Stace used her mental John Cena and yeeted her through the wall and onto the sleeping Chile.
"KATIE I TOLD YOU I JUST WANTED TO BE FRIENDS NOTHING MORE" Chile yelled.
Katie ignored this. She started beating the shit out of Stace when Kianal and Cuntor barged in.
"Guys, Lily is attacking us."Kianal screeched.
"...That fucking whore." Katie said.
"Yes. She works for Trump now. And she's bent on tracking us down as her first targets."
"There's only one solution: we go off the grid." Cuntor said, leaving everyone in shock.
