"Do you want me to commit a suicide?" Chile asked.
"Kinda. But we need to this, it should only be temporary. We will used pre-paid flip phones for a least a month." Cuntor said.
"It must be throwback Thursday because I'm cringing." Stace said.
"Hand your phones over."
Everyone handed their phones over as "In the Arms of the Angel" and "Mad World" played in the background. Everyone started tearing up, except Kianal and Cuntor, who changed their IP address like fucking geniuses.
They decided they were gonna give the phones a proper Jewish burial.
"l8r." Kianal said as she yeeted the pile of phones into the oven.
Cuntor turned on the oven for 350 for 20 minutes or until golden brown. After that, they set the phones in the freezer to chill, and then yeeted the iPhone popsicles into a river.
"To Flint you go." AGay said as a single tear rolled down her cheek.
"Never forgetti. Ripperoni in pepperoni." K80 said like the emo MCR trash she is.
The whole iPhone squad cried as Cuntor and Kianal maniacally laughed. AIDSan and AGay went to nap. Chile and Cuntor started shit talking about pals from school. Kianal went to go make cringe compilations featuring Cuntor's 12 year old Mario Kart videos, AIDSan's emo obsession, and footage from her own scene and weeb phase.
However, K80 and Stace actually had a deep convo, to well, discuss all of these sudden events.
"This sucks more dick than a prostitute." Stace said.
"I know. It's fucking weird. First Juan attacking Cuntor, and now we're being tracked down by the teapot." Katie said.
"Yeah. I bet Juan was given the choice of death or being a mind slave."
"I regret not getting him. He's just going to attack again. None of us even knew he was still alive, and now, he's just dead. Not physically, but emotionally. A walking zombie." Katie said, holding back tears.
"Well, we made weapons for a reason. Next time he tries attacking us, right in between the eyes."
"I know, but he's going for Cuntor. You know how he feels about Chipotle boi.
"Fucking hell. Looks like we're gonna have to do the deed ourselves. I say we sneak off and find Juan. He's our number one problem at the moment."
"Yeah. I bet it's gonna be bloodier and gorier than Columbine."
============================
"I heard about K80 and Stace's plan," Cuntor said with tears in his eyes, "they're gonna kill Juan."
"Isn't that a good thing? That would solve all of our problems." Chile responded.
"DO YOU NOT FUCKING SEE THAT JUAN WAS THE BOY I ALMOST WENT FULL ONN YANDERE SIMULATOR MODE." Cuntor yelled.
"Don't you dare give that attitude you ugly egg. Listen, I know it will hurt you, but hell, we need to stop this immediately." Chile said, harshly.
"Well, I know of an alternative plan."
"Like what?"
"Well, what if I find Juan first and try to break it, or at least just sacrifice myself like some Hindu sacrificial lamb."
"Sorry pal, the magic conch shell says you can't."
"Whatever, fine. Kill him I guess. I'm going to bed, night slut."
"Night fuckboy."
============================
Cuntor cried as he started making the YouTube video. He thought it would be easier than writing a note because apparently that was too fucking hard. He used flashcards instead of actually talking in order to get more attention. He also titledc the video "YOU KNOW MY NAME NOT MY STORY" and played a 10 minute loop of "Breath Me" to make it more dramatic.
He then gathered a few items into a bag: two sets of clothes, condom (just in case he had ti resort tob prostitution) , a hunting knife, 420 dollars, and 5 apples. He liked apples.
Then he threw himself over the distance and into the night sky like a majestic fucking eagle.
