How It Goes

.Chapter Four.

I put on my skinny jeans slowly and check my sock bun one more time to make sure it looks okay.

"Dad I'm leaving," I say as I pass by his door.

He's on the phone and barely acknowledges me, but I don't care. I really want to fly under his radar.

"Brendan," I smile once he walks towards my front porch.

"Hey," he replies slyly. He's wearing a flannel and some ripped jeans. Hot.

"Ready to walk?" I ask and notice he's looking me over in a subtle way.

"Yeah," he nods and follows me.

Way before the wreck, at the beginning of freshman year (three years ago) Krissy and I had found an abandoned old store in my woods. It wasn't even creepy, it was just forgotten. Kind of like I am now.

The store is one floor but has access to the roof, it's really nice and honestly it's the only place where I can actually just think. The only place to be alone alone.

Krissy and my father were the only ones to know it existed until him.

We climb the ladder and I walk Brendan over to my living room on a roof. It has its own little shelter from rain, two lawn chairs a table, a cooler full of alcohol, a candle, lighter, and one hidden pack of cigarettes.

After setting out the liquor and lighting Brendan's and my cigarettes we each start drinking our own bottle of tequila.

After a few drinks I feel like opening up.

"You know what I hate?" I look at Brendan.

He looks back,"What?"

"I hate the fact that the only people that care now, are the ones that have to."

"I'm sorry."

"I also hate how certain people treat me like I'm about to break whenever everyone else knows I'm perfectly capable of handling myself."

"It's for your own good Audrey. Trust me."

"I don't fucking care. I am seventeen. Almost eighteen. I do not need protecting, I need the truth. Especially after all of this. All of the not knowing and then the parts that I do know make me want more. What about Jasper? What did he have to do with it?"

"We were drag racing."

Flashback-

Brendan and Jasper found Krissy and Jarred for me.

"Come on guys lets race!" Brendan challenged Jarred.

"Sure bro, but can you handle it?" Jarred teases Brendan.

"Hell yeah I can," Brendan high fives Jasper and they agree to be in teams.

"I don't feel good about this," I object at first.

Brendan walks over to me,"Come on, you and I can go out after. Maybe with less clothes."

His breath tickles my neck as he whisper in my ear. It makes me want in.

I nod and then Krissy nods too.

Flashback end-

"I remember that much. Sometimes when I talk to you or Jasper I get some memories back. It's exciting but frightening all at once," I finish my bottle and move on to some regular good ole beer.

"You know, you're lucky. If I could forget I would," he takes a sip as well but continues keeping his eyes on me.

"But it's awful not knowing about what started the end of everything that I knew. It's hard walking around getting hated by everyone yet not knowing why I'm hated. I only know what they know. Not what I should."

He stops drinking and watched as the sun sets behind the trees.

I look too, but only because I think maybe I can glimpse what he sees through his eyes.

-

"Beeeeeeeeerrrr pong time Audreeeeeey," Jasper slurs drunkenly.

I grin with eyes half way shut, I haven't been able to fully open them in the past hour,"YAAASSSS!"

We set up a couple of cups pour them full of vodka and then play. Least to say we both drink a lot more.

"New rule. Who ever shoots and mishhhes has to kiss the other player," Brendan says while throwing the ping pong off the top of the roof.

"You missed," I sigh.

"I did," he sways and stumbles towards me.

When his lips land on mine I feel heavy. We fall back onto the floor of the roof. Me tangling my hands in his hair and him sloppily kissing me.

It's not perfect. There's more drool then actual skin contact but I do like it. Even though I'm fucked up, it's the most I've felt in two weeks. The most happiness I've felt since I woke up. And it's all because of alcohol and Brendan.

I pull his t-shirt off  after a couple of moments and run my hands all over his chest.

In that moment I forget that I hate my life.