wannabe

What are you feeling?

all I can feel is that this must be my dream

and my dreams are so consistent, love, they're full of

my own death - they're narcissists in their own divine right because

they need to be freed and acted upon and a ramble of such

words is the closest to death because my head is exploded.

Love, I don't know who love is. I'm addressing an idea, not a

human. Love is such a disgraced term that I once held so

dearly and with much adoration but now I can't even think

straight without breaking and crying and this is what it was like before.

It's so so sad to think that the only thing I feel like I can carry on

for is this bad that tastes so bittersweet and makes me cry

and love, I can't see through a blurry haze when I don't want to see at

all because all I can see is something that I can't bear to look at.

I can't figure out what I'm feeling but I'm pretty sure I need to stop

breathing in order to relax while my brain flips in overdrive because

I tried to fucking fly off a balcony - I was putting on a show for a crowd,

they came to watch me drink myself to tears and that is what I did and

I do, I intend to naturally to do.

its not like I can tell people what im feeling I nmy head right now because the

people that do know me are fed up of my shit and I have no excuse for feeling

like this and words are not enough I need to feel the pain. Those who knew and know

have only left and I fear that may happen again so what's the point? I can't let

anyone else in, I vowed with my brain not to because who wants to hear

the shitty stories I have to tell and the way I don't sleep and the way I don't want to breathe.

This must be my dream because I dreamed I was drying.