My second grade secret was a quick exit from the dinner table, mouth full of corn beef, spit the flesh in private
I did this until the night my mom found me panicking, crouched before an overflowing toilet
Last week, I slipped away during a lecture when nobody was looking and ran to the bathroom
Quiet, save for the dripping if the faucet, I threw up two pieces of pizza
I say this to you in a body big enough to bury a ribcage with no sharp corners to trigger your concern
I heave into toilet bowls and I stay fat
Nobody sees me and thinks, "feed her"
Nobody knows not to trust me alone in a bathroom
I think I learned to lie out of love about the corn beef so I wouldn't hurt my mother's feelings
I lied last night about eating dinner so my friends wouldn't ask me why I hid in some worthless bar's bathroom
Dizzy, hadn't eaten since breakfast the morning before and for a moment I swear to God I saw the toilet give birth to corn beef
Forcing its way up the pipes again
Toilet water rising and I can't stop it from overflowing this time
Can't control myself
I don't have control anymore
Can't trust myself alone in a bathroom so tell me this is not my fault
Tell me again how a mind can be not right
I say love your body and then turn mine into some broken waste pipe spewing sewage in somebody else's bathroom
I am an empty tank forcing myself to eat my own body
I am the clogged toilet in my mother's bathroom, this corn beef secret I thought I could keep
Here it all comes spelling over, up and out of my toilet bowl mouth
The room is filling up with water again
The truth is pooling at the feet of the people I love
A quick exit to the bathroom
A starving stomach hidden underneath a deceiving belly
I am 24 and this is still my secret
I don't expect you to believe me
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts from your neighbourhood insomniac: spoken word poetry
PuisiThis is a collection of poems, my poems and poems I absolutely adore. As the title says, these are the thoughts of an insomniac (mostly) so you are more than welcome to comment if it's helped you or if you relate or simply if you think I could do b...
