Dear World

youth--

flashing lights
party sights
- subtract all care from the world
+add a little fear of hurt
=you make a sad little girl
i could die, i could die...
tomorrow, perhaps (if i tried)
[but i'm not one to try; but i am one to die]

"we're fireproof"

that's what we are - that's what i am,
i could leave my footsteps in the sand
babies could hold my hand
[would i let them hold my hand?]
i would let people hold me tight,
maybe get out of the city sights,

"we could runaway"

runaway to an unknown place
runaway to see another face (or one from my past) (or one that is my future)
i am rolling down the windows
and all i can see is green,
a little red robin in the trees,
yes, i see my perfect christmas dream

"we're mortal in the flesh"

but we are forever in our souls
[my friends think it's cheesy... i know]
my feet feel cold when the wind blows
i like it because it feels true
i am being
not an i have been
not an i will become
not an i became
i am being
[do you know what it feels to be being?]
being, it feels - - -

- -

-

*~j.c~*

(longish and sentimental note ahead, beware)

(on february 26th, i turned 16, and me being me, well, was undeniably petrified at the thought of getting older. also, me being me, pushed the fear away and went and had an amazing birthday weekend, which would take a million paragraphs to elaborate on, so i'll just explain in brief detail. on my actual birthday i spent the day with my family and best friend in the entire world, and on saturday i hopped on the car with my family - not a single plan on where to go or what to do etched in our heads - and drove.

we drove pretty far and i saw some places in my city that i never really gave a crap about before, and ate some food that made me feel a little sick but still full, so... worth it. i guess it really wasn't a big deal, now that i look back on it. but i found myself being. there were moments when i didn't, obviously, but overall i found myself being. and since i'm seriously only 16 years old i found it hard to think about how to be when everyone around me is begging me to become or asking me what i used to be. so i tried to think if that was what about youth really meant - you know, the whole being thing - and if "youth" really was a time period or just a state of mind.

it took me a while to gather my thoughts and write this poem, but um, i don't know... it was very true. i am constantly pressured by adulthood. my youth has been a dream, and hopefully will only get better. i am trying very hard to just be every once in a while. overall, the inside of my brain is probably just as abstract as this very very confusing poem. but nonetheless, it makes a teeny drop of sense to me.

i love you all ❤️)