Twilight by Evangelise Cullen

Paris part 3

One person was playing on my mind as Alice and I made our way back to the hotel to watch films. Jeremy. I could still feel his warm arms wrapped around my waist, hugging me close to his body as we looked over Paris. I could see his amazing messy ginger hair that I wanted to make messier, and I could still feel the glow of his green eyes staring at me.

But was it love? No, my heart was not involved in this attraction at all. I’ll admit that I am attracted to Jeremy, but only on a superficial level. This thing that I might have for him does not run deep enough for it to even be remotely considered as love.

Lust? Was what I was feeling lust? But even then I’m not sure it is even a sexual attraction, I just can’t see him like that... yet. Alright, I’m now thinking about him a lot, trying to work things out, but I wasn’t in love or in lust with this guy.

So why did Alice say she saw me going out with him? was it really true that I got so bored of being a single pringle in a house of loved up people? I would like to think I wouldn’t just settle for second best, that I could wait for Mr right to come along. Sure I had dated, but I have never... well Edward and I share a status that most teenagers hate having these days.

But what if he was the one and future me knew this, but I don’t at the moment? The thing that is bothering me, is that it wasn’t love at first sight like all the books say. Sure I licked him, but that was just me hyper on the candy Edward gave me before I left.

Could I just date him to give him a chance? Is that what future me decided? How set is that future? Do I still have the time/power to change it?

“Eva, what are you thinking about” Alice asked with a frown.
“the price of cheese” I shrugged.

“and that is causing your future with Jeremy to keep changing” she frowned.

“changing, what do you mean changing” I muttered.

“its 50:50 as to whether you go out now” she shrugged. So I have the time and power to change the future. It is not set in stone that I will date him, like it is for Edward and Bella.

“what do you think I should do Alice” I sighed.
“I can’t tell you what your heart thinks” she retorted.
“so I should listen to my heart” I checked.
“well you’re dealing with love so yes” she rolled her eyes at me and I stuck my tongue out at her.

So if I should listen to my heart then Jeremy is a no go and I should leave him alone... for now at least, times change and so do people. Things might be different back in Forks.

“I’m hungry” I pouted.

“well go to the buffet then” she shrugged pulling out her phone to ring Jasper.

“a good sister would come with me” I muttered jumping off the bed. I don’t want to be alone right now with my psychotic and sometimes suicidal thoughts, that is not the best plan in the world.

“you don’t do anything socially unacceptable or self harming if you go alone” she shrugged.

“well maybe I will just go throw myself on a bonfire now because you said that” I retorted walking up to the door.

“have fun on your way to hell” she shrugged. Did she seriously just say that? This body right here, yep me... I was so not destined for hell, I was born this way so god must love me. Oh yer, Lady Gaga is my god and she loved me when we met at her concert.